Discernment. The Quiet Edge of Leadership Resilience?

“Editor. Judge. Critic.”

These are not professions. They are habits of mind. And before every improv class, our instructor names them plainly and asks us to leave them outside the room. Not because standards do not matter, but because those inner roles, left unchecked, suffocate creativity, authenticity, growth, connection, and engagement.

The lesson travels easily from the improv studio to the workplace.

If you want to build a culture that feels resilient, human, and engaged, one where people belong and contribute meaningfully, consider replacing the editor, the judge, and the critic with something far more useful: discernment.

The Editor: Voice Held Hostage

Have you ever been in a meeting where you experienced a thought rise, saw a pause you could step into, and then talked yourself out of speaking? By the time you decided it was “ready,” the moment had passed.

That is the editor at work.

Sometimes self-editing is wise. Timing matters. Context matters. A good editor sharpens ideas for clarity and impact. But a protective editor, driven by fear, politics, or self-doubt, can become a jailer. Ideas are edited not for quality, but for perceived safety. Your voice is held hostage to the fear of being wrong, disliked, or exposed.

In resilient workplaces, leaders help people distinguish between discernment and self-silencing. Discernment asks, “Is this the right time and frame to offer this?” Fear asks, “What will happen to me if I do?”

Resilient leadership does not require unfiltered expression. It requires enough psychological safety that people can speak while ideas are still forming. Often, the less polished an idea is, the less attached we are to it. And that makes real dialogue possible.

The Judge: Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts

If the editor mutes us publicly, the judge works privately.

We are often far harsher judges of ourselves than anyone else could ever be. Daily, sometimes hourly, small judgments accumulate: not good enough, not smart enough, impostor, who do you think you are?

Each one feels minor. Together, they erode confidence by a thousand paper cuts.

These judgments masquerade as protection. They tell us they are keeping us safe, out of danger. In reality, they keep us small and stagnant. They narrow our willingness to contribute, collaborate, and stretch. They pull us into fear-based, rather than strength-based, leadership.

Workplace resilience depends on replacing self-judgment with self-compassion. This is not about lowering standards. It is about refusing to let shame drive performance.

A leader who models self-compassion gives others permission to learn out loud, recover quickly, and stay engaged even when things are imperfect. That is how teams stay standing when pressure hits.

The Critic: Certainty as Armor

The critic looks outward. It scans for what is wrong in others. It builds a quiet list of deficiencies, mistakes, and character flaws. Sometimes it does this loudly. Sometimes silently.

The critic is fueled by comparison and certainty. If I can name what is wrong with you, I can feel temporarily better than. But that sense of superiority is brittle. It costs curiosity, trust, and collaboration.

Notice when critical thoughts arise. What is fueling them? What do you gain from them? And just as importantly, what do they cost you?

Being discerning is not the same as being critical. Organizations need critical thinkers. We need people who can assess risk, challenge assumptions, separate fact from fiction, and pressure test ideas.

The difference is posture.

The critic seeks to diminish. Discernment seeks to understand.

Discernment: The Resilient Alternative

Discernment is the ability to judge well and objectively. It is a learned form of emotional intelligence. Discernment separates what is important from what is noisy, what is true from what is distorted, what is good from what is merely familiar.

It requires slowing down. Reflecting. Considering multiple perspectives before reacting.

A discerning leader knows when to speak and when to listen. When to push and when to pause. When to challenge and when to invite. Discernment brings calm and clarity whereas fear creates reactivity, drama, and conflict.

In practical terms, discernment builds:

• Stronger self-trust,

• More trusted decision making,

• Awareness of the nuances,

• Fewer assumptions,

• More honest and disciplined dialogue, and

• Leadership objectivity and credibility.

In an era of information overload, polarized opinions, and constant urgency, discernment is not a soft skill. It is a resilience skill.

The K Challenge

If you want to practice this shift, start here:

Show up and speak up. Bring your ideas, questions, concerns, and observations to the table. Silence is often interpreted as support. Do not hold your ideas prisoner.

Replace self-judgment with self-compassion. Talk to yourself like a leader worth following.

Replace criticism with curiosity. Ask before you assess. Seek to understand before you decide.

Learn to separate the wheat from the chaff. Elevate quality ideas. Filter out what is false. Tune out noise without tuning out people. Stay grounded in disciplined, truth-based conversation.

As a leader, your emotional filter matters. Your team will mirror how you edit, judge, and critique, or how you discern.

Leave the editor, the judge, and the critic outside the room.

Bring discernment with you instead.

It is how resilient cultures are built.

The Gift of Presence

I recently returned from my annual, self-facilitated business retreat. This year’s venue was the Oregon coast – and it delivered unexpectedly in sunshine, new connections, and breakthroughs in thinking.

I found myself obsessed with the concept of time – how I had spent it, how I want to spend it, how much of it I have left, and how I even perceive it (I can wax philosophical when I’m at the beach with a bottle of wine!). I know I am not alone in this quest for optimizing time – it’s a frequently named objective in my client coaching work.

I was drawn to the beach several times a day for dog walking breaks. At first, I worried that it didn’t afford me the time and focus to do the strategic work for which I came to do. Later, I realized it gave me just what I needed, once I got out of my own way!

At the close of every year, I conduct an audit to reflect on the client programs delivered, the relationships built, the marketing and business development efforts put forth and their financial impacts, the operational effectiveness of my systems, and the professional growth experienced – all in the backdrop of the current social, political, and business climate.

I ask myself questions such as:

• What went well?

• What was hard? Where did I struggle?

• What did I discover and learn?

• What brought me pride, joy, and satisfaction?

Themes emerged:

Programs that went well were accompanied by clients who were all in and ready to co-create the results. I was most inspired and, in the flow, when I got to help clients solve messy people situations, especially when it involved empowering leaders with the confidence and renewed energy to lead. The most cherished relationship moments were with people with whom I could be honest and vulnerable. My most fruitful marketing efforts were the most authentic ones where I stayed true to my brand. (Turns out people resonate with having real conversations and thrive in a space of being heard and seen).

Lessons learned were loudest from mistakes made. (I’m still learning that sometimes, less is more in the context of workshops!).

I saw how my word of the year, “agency”, helped me move from areas of resistance to moments of clarity and breakthroughs – and action.

And then I got stuck. All the strategy tools, templates, and methodologies I had at my fingertips were not bringing me any clarity to what was needed next. So, I took the dogs to the beach – again.

I found a magical mossy forest that landed onto miles of sunny, sandy, surf-pounded beach. This is exactly how I wanted to spend my time! This moment was what I needed to nurture my soul.

The Italians have a name for this relaxed state, “Dolce far niente” meaning “the sweetness of doing nothing”. There’s a renewal in such idleness, if we allow ourselves to relax into that space. (It also helped that I spoke to my good friend Victor and he aided me in seeing that perhaps I didn’t need to get it ALL done on this retreat, that I could allow myself to create a strategic framework, one that I could continue to move forward post-retreat).

It can be so easy to get sucked into the machine of work – the to do lists, deadlines, meetings, coordinating, priority and performance managing - the busy-ness and stress of it all.

Going full throttle for an extended duration doesn’t necessarily produce the best outcomes, but it can produce people who are frazzled, distracted, and overwhelmed. We get caught in the mental trappings of “I just need to get x done and then I can have more capacity,” or “When I get life in order, then I can start enjoying it”.

This kind of pursuit of efficiency and perfectionism becomes a postponement of living.

Oliver Burkeman, in his book, “Four Thousand Weeks, Time Management for Mortals” captures a philosophical and counter-intuitive take on time, productivity, and living well. He notes that “our troubled relationship with time arises largely from the same effort to avoid the painful constraints of reality.” He also writes, “What you pay attention to will define, for you, what reality is”.

Revisit our relationship to time.

What if we gave ourselves permission to relax? Slow down. Take a beat. Step off the hamster wheel. When we bring mindfulness to what we do, our sense of time expands. We can connect to more presence by tapping into our senses (like pausing to listen to my dog Bebo blissfully snoring on the couch as I write this, or feeling the wind on your face, smelling the aroma of your morning coffee, or savoring the taste of a favorite meal). Our senses anchor us in the present moment, right here, right now.

Invest our time in what matters.

My guess is top of that list will be relationships. Not another “to do”, but a way “to be”. Next conversation you have, turn off your phone and give that person your undivided attention. See what experience of reality you create together as a result!

Like the waves of the sea, our energy ebbs and flows. I can think of no better way to honor those rhythms than to fully inhabit the life we have with the gift of presence.

I did not return from my retreat with a perfectly mapped out 2026 game plan. I did, however, return with more presence and perspective.

May you have the capacity to create space to slow down this season and reconnect with the experiences that nurture you. Sending peace and goodwill – a reminder that not everything needs optimizing, fixing, or justifying.

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What do you expect?

Such a seemingly simple question. Yet one I see get muddied, over and over again. Expectations are ubiquitous, but it does not guarantee they are understood.

There is a trend I have been witnessing in workplaces – people are hungry for clearer expectations. I have some theories as to why that is. During times of growth and change, things can feel uncertain. In the face of uncertainty, we seek clarity and control. People want to better understand direction, priorities, and desired outcomes – especially when those things keep shifting!

Sometimes what I observe is that expectations only get clearly expressed when there has been a violation of those expectations. In other words, it becomes more apparent what we want, when we are not seeing the results we had hoped for, or when our frustrations are on the rise. We may not enjoy the experience, but our frustrations are phenomenal data points. They tell us what matters to us, and they illuminate the gap between what we want to happen and what is actually happening. Frustrations are the yellow (or red) flags that we might have a misunderstanding or misalignment that needs our attention.

Setting clear expectations is not just for when things go off the rails or when people are struggling to deliver. High performing, growth-oriented professionals want to elevate their knowledge and skills, build capacity and confidence in executing their role, and contribute to the organization’s success. When you provide the kind of guidance that helps them be successful, the impact is contagious, and the work gets momentum.

How can you help them get there?

A leader’s role is to help cultivate potential for the success of the individual, the team, and the organization. When you can paint a picture of what success looks like – for them, for the initiative, or for your customer – you help create the road map to achieving it.

The Performance Gap - Can Clearer Expectations Close it?

“Expectations … they can feel so heavy.” A recent leader expressed it felt adversarial to articulate her expectations. She shared that her team is overwhelmed and she was concerned that stating her expectations felt like she was piling on to the stress and demands of the job. But as soon as she said it out loud, she had an epiphany, “People are hungry for them! Expectations actually reduce their stress.”

This reframe gave her the inspiration to bring clarity to her direct reports in their next one-on-one meetings. She understood the, “clarity is kind” mantra. It sets the stage for a much more collaborative discussion about the scope and roles and responsibilities of the work.

The reality is that our expectations exist whether or not we articulate them. It is better to daylight what they are through regular conversations than to leave them to chance, or to only be explicit with them when problems and friction surface.  

Articulating expectations might expose the gap between where someone currently is and where you would like to see them be. That performance gap is the space leaders can coach and mentor a team member’s growth.

How can you elevate your expectation-setting skills?

Getting better at articulating expectations is one of the highest-leverage leadership skills – especially in environments where people are overwhelmed, moving fast, or working cross-functionally. Here are some specific ways you can practice:

Slow down your thinking so others can catch up. Leaders often assume their expectations are clear because they are clear in their own heads! (I’ve been guilty of this). Consider pausing and get clear on:

• What outcome do I actually want?

• Why does it matter?

• What does “good” look like?

• What is “done”?

• What are non-negotiables vs. flexible components?

Provide a simple, repeatable formula:

Expectations = Outcomes + Standards + Timeline + Check-Ins. For example: “By Friday I would like to see a 1–2-page draft of the problem statement, in the context of our business goals, with recommended next steps. We need this before the Executive Committee meeting, so let’s do a quick check-in on Wednesday to make sure you have what you need.”

Make expectations collaborative, not top-down. Even when you know what you want, invite people into the shaping:

• “Here’s what I’m thinking, what might I be missing?”

• “What feels doable?”

• “What are you excited about?

• “What makes you a little nervous or uncomfortable?”

 Open-ended questions like these can surface blind spots, build buy-in, and increase alignment.

Add context to provide meaning. When people know why something matters, the instructions land better. “The reason this needs to be precise is because …”, or “We are prioritizing this because …”, or “This helps us avoid …” is a way to invite team members into being a part of the solution. They can contribute even more collaboratively. Context turns a task into a purpose.

Check for understanding. You can ask grounding questions like: What are the most important pieces you are taking away from our conversation? Where might you need more clarity? What obstacles do you anticipate? You are not quizzing them – you are co-creating clarity. And better to check for understanding in the moment than weeks later when things are going south.

Leadership clarity is not a one and done exercise. You can conduct ongoing “clarity audits” by supporting your team with check-ins. Does everyone know what success is? Are deadlines understood and realistic? Have expectations shifted?

 Role model the behavior you want to see. You have more credibility when you deliver on the expectations of your role. When you communicate clearly, ask good questions, avoid ambiguity, and generally demonstrate personal accountability, you are setting the tone for others to follow. This reflects a kind of integrity that builds mutual trust and respect.

Where can you bring more clarity to your expectations?

Could this be the ultimate stress buster?

There are a lot of proposed remedies for managing life’s stressors. You may have tried some of them – with varying degrees of success. Even if you have a high stress tolerance, most leaders have reported feeling an inordinate amount of stress in today’s business climate. I would like to propose something that de-escalates the natural stress responses of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn*: bringing a sense of curiosity.

Sound too simple? Let me share how I’ve seen it work.

Navigating Change

Yesterday during a client workshop on accountability, one participant spoke of her team’s resistance to change and wanted to know how to cultivate buy-in for the new expectations. Instead of starting with selling all the benefits of the upcoming change, we slowed the conversation down and examined what might be her team’s discomfort and fears related to the change. 

Curiosity can unearth the obstacles unique to the person struggling. It can help us shape the conversation in terms that address the root cause of resistance, rather than jumping into all the reasons the change is beneficial. It provides leaders with clarity about their teams’ challenges so they can meet them where they are to guide them through what is new and different. Curiosity in this context – especially when blended with validation and empathy – demonstrates respect for a team member’s journey.

One can simultaneously hold space for what is difficult while co-creating a path that moves someone beyond resistance. In other words, remaining curious optimizes the capacity to better navigate change. 

Fostering a Spirit of Collaboration

A conversation that embodies curiosity can illuminate potential roadblocks and begin a new kind of dialogue – one that invites real collaboration. When you enter the exchange with an openness, with mutual respect, and with the extension of trust, you shift the dynamics. In this collaborative, generative approach, you are building buy-in and capacity.

Curiosity vs. The Imposter Syndrome

The phenomenon of experiencing feeling like an imposter strikes nearly everyone. We can get triggered by not having advanced education or certifications, being new to leadership, or lacking confidence in a particular situation or skill set. You might think “Who am I to be doing x, y, z?!” (and rarely said in a curious sort of way – more likely a critical, fear-based question one’s value and worth).

If, however, we choose to be curious about the emotions that flared, we can move through them with self-compassion rather than defensiveness, rejection, fear, or shame. Feeling self-conscious about a skill level is normal. Staying in a place of hurt or insecurity can be diminishing and we can get stuck, often cloaked in our protective armor.

For example, if you feel vulnerable about a skill set, you can conduct an honest evaluation of where you are strong and where you would like to grow. That evaluation can include obtaining feedback from others. Then, you can create a game plan to elevate your skills and confidence in that area of your craft.

When you are on the edge of your comfort zone, what is the conversation in your head? If you default to being self-critical, you’ve forgotten to stay curious!

When you know your value, you know – and can tap into - your power. This kind of self-trust comes from healthy curiosity-inspired introspection.

Elevating Others

Similar to helping a team member through a change initiative, curiosity from a manager can expedite an employee’s learning. I have coached many managers who find themselves frustrated at their employees’ pace of grasping – and being effective – in their roles. Most managers default to “show and tell”. Telling the employees what they need to do or know, maybe even offering valuable context of what and why. Yet, few seize the moment to ask the kind of questions that illuminate what an employee is truly understanding and what is still unclear, and what the employee is ultimately motivated by.

The art of asking good questions

A natural part of being curious is asking open-ended questions and listening with an open mind.

• What was it about the old way that you liked?

• How do you think we should roll this out?

• What do you think are the risks?

• What would make this initiative successful?

• What are you excited about achieving this quarter?

I have long been a proponent of embracing the spirit of curiosity. It opens the doors of discovery – for innovation, learning, and growth. It fuels problem-solving by expanding one’s current thinking, making room for greater creativity and fueling imagination. I’ve even used the word to describe my own communication style. (In fact, when I am climbing and I come upon a particularly challenging sequence of moves, I find myself saying, “That’s interesting”. It keeps me curious rather than stressed and fearful!). By championing curiosity, the ego is diminished to make space for the fun of exploration. 

Embracing this kind of growth mindset can allow us to release the stressors of the need to be right in the moment, to be ridged in our thinking, and to let go of our need to control.

Albert Einstein famously stated, “I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.” He is also credited with saying, “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence.”  Curiosity is a driving force for deepening our understanding and for reframing – and reducing - our stress.

How will you cultivate curiosity?

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* Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are natural stress responses that occur when we perceive a threat. They help us react to danger: fighting involves confronting the threat, fleeing means escaping, freezing is becoming immobile, and fawning is trying to please others to avoid conflict. [WebMD]

Want More Trust? Level Up Your Craft!

Fall is officially here. Shorter days, crisper mornings, leaves turning, and kids returning to school. I have always loved the energy of this season – including going back to school. Not only would I reunite with classmates after summer break, but I would experience the buzz of excitement about new classes and teachers.  It was so full of promise and potential!

In school, the expectation is we were there to learn. At work, we might feel weighed down by an unspoken expectation that we are supposed to already know.

What if we could infuse our work with a sense of curiosity and discovery – no matter where we are on the journey? What if we entered each day as an opportunity to learn something new?

This growth mindset is not just good for your continued professional development; it can lower your stress. It allows you to see the world as dynamic, and within that, a recognition that your stability and security are less about what you possess, and more about what you are capable of making happen. As you embrace this idea of life-long learning, you are more prepared to weather the unpredictability of our world.

There’s another benefit of getting better at what you do: TRUST.

Trust is a complex concept. It can be both solid and fragile. We all know it can be hard to earn and painfully easy to lose. When I train on how to build trustworthy relationships, we talk about it in three categories:

1.     Competency – being good at what you do,

2.     Character – doing the right thing, being loyal, kind, and respectful; doing what you said you’d do, and

3.     Communications – being clear, candid, transparent and timely; keeping people in the loop.

For the purposes of this column, I am going to focus on building trust through competency.

Most leaders are elevated into their role because they have proven to be technically good at what they do. They are perceived as competent in their jobs. It may show up as delivering quality work, providing a thorough analysis of data, troubleshooting system glitches, managing a budget, or creating efficiencies in a workflow. When you demonstrate high level expertise and skills, people begin to trust you in that domain. You become the “go to” person in your field. People seek your counsel. They trust your capabilities and judgment as it relates to your craft.

Getting Better

In Stephen Covey’s book, “The Speed of Trust”, he spells out 13 behaviors one can practice to build trust. One of those, “Get Better”, is about continuously investing in your competency to increase your capabilities. At the core of trust is credibility and Covey explains that to earn it, you need to remain relevant and deliver results.

Relevancy.

It’s no secret that the world is changing at a rapid pace. We cannot assume today’s knowledge and skills will be sufficient for tomorrow’s challenges. By staying on top of trends, tools, or knowledge in your field, you are better positioned to bring value to your organization. It keeps you from getting complacent, restless, or bored in your role.

Results.

Our skills are only visible when we apply them. The more consistently we do that, the more we can make a real impact. When we leverage our strengths to be of service to others and to contribute to an organization’s goals, we are seen as a trusted resource that delivers.

Investing in ourselves speaks volumes. By continually elevating your craft, you are role modeling a commitment to excellence. You are raising the bar for your teams to bring their best and for your organization to be resilient and competitive. And perhaps equally important, you are believing in yourself – fueling your own motivation, job satisfaction, self-confidence, and self-trust. You are stepping into what I consider a “worthy collaborator” – someone who adds credibility to the conversation.

How can you level up your craft?

1.     Seek Feedback. Find out what is valued and appreciated about what you do. Find out where you could be better.

2.     Assess your organization’s needs. Where is there a gap in your organization that you could fill? Perhaps there’s an opportunity for cross-departmental collaboration.

3.     Mentor/Teach. Sharing your knowledge not only elevates others, but it helps you hone in your own skills. Good teachers keep learning!

4.     Take classes. Find a program that appeals to you, whether or not it gives you continuing education credits. Reignite your joy of learning to spark enthusiasm for your work.

5.     Get certified. Perhaps there is a certification in your field that would lend increased knowledge and credibility to your craft.

6.     Join a professional organization. Finding your tribe where you can go deep and geek out together can be a great way to build your competencies.

7.     Hire a coach. A professional guide can help you tap into your motivation and identify any blocks that may keeping you plateaued.

Getting better is not about coming from a place of “not good enough”. It is also not about reaching a point where you no longer have questions, doubts, or nothing left to learn. It is a recognition that you bring passion to being a professional in your field and care about doing great work. It is a way to reinvigorate your work and inspire others to do the same!

For my part, I just signed up for a 2-day facilitation workshop, where I get to be the participant learning new skills and refining established ones. I am already excited about going back to school next month!

How will you level up your craft?

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Make Space for the Case - Manage for the Results

I first heard that business idiom, “Make space for the case, Manage for the results”, while working at a creative marketing agency a few decades ago. It came from a boss who had a business coach guiding him on how to get results out of his staff. At first glance, I thought it was simply a way to placate an employee while pushing a corporate agenda. Hence, I was slow to adopt the practice. It felt manipulative and insincere.

Fast forward, and a deeper dive into the philosophy and its nuances, and I have embraced it. I see how it has the potential to generate a more informed and reasoned approach. It suggests a focus on understanding the context and evidence behind decisions, rather than just outcomes.

When we are strictly focused on outcomes and pushing our agenda, we fail to bring others along and we fail to see the validity of their concerns. On the other hand, when we get mired down in all the reasons why something can’t be done, we can start believing them.

Making space for the case.

What does this mean? And what does it look like in practice?

Creating space to truly listen to a team member’s perspective – their concerns, reasons, frustrations, and even resistance, is a valuable discovery process. They bring a unique viewpoint that might astutely inform your decision and its ultimate rollout. Let’s face it, whether you are officially in sales or not, you need to enroll others in decisions, changes, and initiatives for them to bear fruit.

You want to create the kind of culture where people can respectfully contribute their opinion, especially if it is dissenting. They might just help you mitigate a risk you didn’t anticipate. If it fosters a robust dialogue, then you can have increased confidence in an idea being better vetted.

If your decision or approach shifts as a result of their willingness to chime in, then they will know their voice matters. Even if you do not change course, but acknowledge their position, you have demonstrated respect by hearing them out. Either way, you are creating space – and an expectation - to collaborate.

Being willing to invite the opinion of naysayers into a constructive conversation takes some skill. First, you want to genuinely hear what they have to say. Second, you want to listen for what they are not saying. You likely will need to ask follow up questions – preferably open-ended – to get to a shared and meaningful understanding of the situation. What discomfort or fear do they have? What obstacles do they name that you might be instrumental in helping them remove? By naming the true resistance we get to the heart of the matter, and we don’t need to get caught up in the swirl of drama – excuses, finger pointing, blaming, and victimhood.

You can validate (make space for the case), without giving up on the desired results.

Validating is recognizing and affirming a person and their feelings and opinions as valid or worthy. Invalidating is when we deny, reject, or dismiss someone’s feelings, thereby sending the message that their subjective emotional experience is somehow inaccurate, insignificant or unacceptable.

Validating is NOT agreeing with someone. It is not placating, coddling, or manipulating. It is slowing down the conversation enough to hold space for another’s reality, without judgment.

In a coaching session today, a client and I were navigating the issue of her direct report’s tendencies to slip into commiserating with his team instead of guiding them to a collaborative solution. In the direct report’s desire to be helpful, he is unintentionally sabotaging the change the organization is trying to implement. My client shared that her direct report, “allows the conversation to sit in the negative for too long. He needs to learn how to shift it into a collaboration.”  He would benefit from the art of making space for the case, while managing for the results.

What results are you seeking? And why do they matter?

Having clear goals and focused priorities can be an aligning tool for a team. They help people focus their limited resources and understand what is expected of them.

Results with Context. If you can explain the desired results in the context of why it matters and how it will benefit the various stakeholders, you’ll likely have more impact. “Because I said so” might (sometimes) work with kids, but not an ideal approach with professionals!

Shepherding Change. If the results you want, for example, involve creating more efficiencies in your operations, or improving quality of work, you are asking people to do things differently. Behavioral change can take time to shift. It can feel awkward, even threating. People can be concerned about their continued value and worth. One can acknowledge the discomfort of change without changing the action needed to be taken.

Create a road map. Any decision or initiative that you are committed to advancing will benefit from a clear plan of action. If that road map speaks to what will change and how team members will be a part of that change – it will increase the organization’s capacity to drive the results it needs to thrive. It can also mitigate the fears because it anchors the conceptual into the tangible. Suddenly, what was impossible, is happening.

As a leader, your ability to make space for the case is an expression of care. And to manifest your vision, you may need to guide people past their self-limiting beliefs and their undeveloped skills in enrolling others in change.

Bringing others along takes patience and persistence, but the cultural shifts that come with it will bolster your organization’s capacity to navigate change and growth.

“Make space for the case ~ Manage for the results” can be change the entire conversation into one that is collaborative, constructive, and actionable. 

Finding Joy in Your Work

Before you roll your eyes at the concept as some kind of work utopia only possible to those who found their calling in a dream job, let me explain.

Decades ago, I gained the moniker, “Joy Maker”. At first I thought it was a euphemism for being a people pleaser, and with it the burden to ensure others were happy. As a consummate reframer (and being genetically predisposed to enthusiastic optimism – thanks Dad), I realized being a joy maker was more about bringing my authentic self to work.

It was a core reason I transitioned from being a marketing consultant to a business therapist. I wanted people to find joy in their work, and I wanted to do that at the organizational level to make the greatest impact.

The phrase, “work is a four-letter word” is often a cynical and default way to express the idea that work can be unpleasant or undesirable. We get caught up in the grind, the drama, the hardships, and never-ending demands in such a way that it doesn’t fill our cup. Our problem-solving tendencies turn into seeing only what is not working and it can be disheartening.

Joy is a deep, uplifting feeling of happiness, contentment, or delight that often arises from meaningful experiences, personal connection, or inner fulfillment.

Joy can come from:

• A sense of purpose or alignment with one’s values

• Acts of kindness or connection with others

• Appreciation of beauty, nature, or the present moment

• Growth, creativity, or contribution

Meaningful experiences.

Connecting your work to a bigger purpose – the why you do what you do – can ground you and give meaning to the mundane. Examine your workplace. Are there opportunities to co-create something meaningful, a contribution that is bigger than you could do on your own?  Are there ways in which you offer growth and creativity that reward innovative thinking?

A quick inventory of my clients and I see:

• A construction project that improves urban infrastructure, thereby creating safer roads for our communities.

• A human-centered healthcare management firm, where both members and plans feel seen, heard, and cared for.

• An HR team that guides employees from recruitment to retirement, providing the expertise and support for thriving careers throughout the employee lifecycle.

• A leadership team with a vision to build a thriving culture of kindness, personal responsibility, can-do attitudes, and humble confidence.

Where and how can you create more meaning in your work?

Personal connection.

We spend a significant amount of time with the people in our work world. Healthy organizations create a sense of belonging for employees. The relationships we build – teammates, managers, mentors, clients, consultants – all hold the potential to shape the depths of our joy and satisfaction.

Fostering a personal connection does not require becoming besties with your coworkers. The connection may grow from a shared desire to deliver great work, or a deep appreciation for someone’s knowledge and skills, or a shared experience of moving through a difficult challenge together (and being stronger for it!). Being vulnerable and learning together while impacting results or creating change is a powerful relationship-builder.

What do you admire about the people in your work world? Where can you level up your collaboration to deepen the connection?

Inner fulfillment.

You may be doubtful that work can bring inner fulfillment unless, like my friend Zo, you are a Buddhist monk. In the context of work, fulfillment can be achieved by knowing your motivators and values. For example, I am motivated to contribute to people’s growth, and I value creativity and agency. When I combine these in service to my clients, I feel immensely satisfied and accomplished.

What fulfills you? Where do you find your flow? What are you naturally drawn to?

Answers to these questions are your hints to creating fulfillment at work. Over the years, I have heard clients say they thrive on a complex challenge, in a fast-paced environment with variety, on a mutually respected, purpose-driven team, and in creating operational efficiencies.

What can you shift to create more joy?

• Mindset. How we choose to see the world influences our experience of it.

• How you show up. Unconsciously, we can create a self-fulfilling prophecy of work being hard, stressful, and unrewarding, i.e. “a four-letter word”. And while it is undeniable that work brings its own headaches, we have some agency about the energy we bring and the boundaries we place. (Remember, humans are good at making things harder than they need to be).

• How you use your time. Our relationship to time plays an important role in joyfulness. The more presence we can bring and the clearer commitments we can make will influence our experience. What can you say yes to – and what will you say no to?

• Appreciating the micro wins as deposits into your joy account. Progress and learning are to be celebrated as discoveries and growth.

• Inviting a bit of enthusiasm for a project or task, rather than giving into drudgery or going through the motions.

• Feed your optimism by allowing yourself to imagine best-case scenarios that generate a sense of possibility and aliveness.

The formula for joy is not very complicated, but it does take a bit of reflection. When we raise our awareness of our wants, needs, motivators, and values, we can live more intentionally and in alignment. That kind of congruence helps us travel lighter in our world, opening the doors for more joy.

Unlike fleeting pleasure or excitement, joy is more enduring and rooted—it can exist even in the midst of challenges. Joy is not just an emotion, but a state of being—one that can be cultivated through gratitude, mindfulness, and living authentically. That, and the simple permission-based belief that is it possible to experience joy in our work world.

What fills your cup?

Change is Not the Enemy

Let’s talk about change.

Not the strategic roadmap version of it, or the sanitized bullet points in a PowerPoint deck. I mean real, messy, uncomfortable change—the kind that stirs up feelings, disrupts routines, and makes people clutch their coffee cups a little tighter in morning meetings.

Here’s the thing: we all know change is constant. And yet, when it shows up—a new system launches, a reorg is announced, or the “way we’ve always done it” is up for debate—our gut reaction is often to resist.

Why is that?

At the heart of our discomfort is the feeling of not being in control. (Any other “control enthusiasts” out there?!). Even if we didn’t love the old way, at least we understood it – and our place in it. The predictability brought comfort. Change, on the other hand, forces us into unknown territory—and that triggers fear, loss, and sometimes a sneaky little emotion we rarely admit in the workplace: grief.

Grief? Yes. Grief over a role in which we once had more clarity. Grief over lost status. Grief over norms that suddenly vanish in the name of “efficiency.”

Even welcomed changes can be stressful. The uncertainty combined with real or perceived risks can be daunting. It is natural to experience resistance – often in the forms of avoidance, worry, delayed decision-making, and giving into negativity biases. We may hunger for such absolute reassurance of choosing the “right” path that it puts us into an analysis paralysis.

Left unchecked, resistance can lead to frustration, communication breakdowns, credibility issues, relationship struggles, energy suck, and stagnation.

But here’s the opportunity: what if, instead of reacting from fear, we responded with curiosity?

This is where becoming a change agent comes in. Not necessarily in title, but in mindset. Change agents don’t wait to be convinced—they get curious. They ask questions like: “What’s possible now that wasn’t before?” or “What do we want to create together?”

Being a change agent doesn’t mean pretending change is easy. It means acknowledging the discomfort and choosing to engage anyway. It means advocating for context, compassion, and communication—because people don’t resist change as much as they resist being changed without their input.

Leaders with a healthy relationship to change find they can make better and more timely decisions, have a bias for action, and know how to inspire others. They also can identify when it is time to shift gears (neither too soon or too slowly), with an understanding of when their team’s groove has gone into autopilot and morphed into a rut of inertia.

You may not consider yourself an agent of change, but if you are a leader, you set the tone. If you tend to be cautious around change, be transparent about your assessment of a situation and invite others to make their case. If you tend to make change too rapidly – or fail to bring your team along – you could benefit from slowing down and providing the business case so that you don’t fall victim to, “ready, fire, aim”.

Change leadership means creating clarity, reducing fear, and empowering action.

Leaders who embrace change as a natural phenomenon create a culture of initiative-taking, possibility thinking, problem-solving, and innovation. This is not change for the sake of change but change with purpose – aligned with the organization’s vision and goals, designed to grow the next generation of leaders, and tuned into the evolution of the industry and shifts in the market.

So how do you build this kind of mindset?

In my resiliency workshops, we talk a lot about adopting a growth mindset as a way to navigate new situations, challenges, or life’s curve balls.

Notice your own resistance. What is it trying to protect? Then move to empathy – for yourself and others. Your coworkers aren’t being “difficult”—they’re navigating uncertainty just like you. Listen more. Validate concerns. Create space for people to process.

Take action. Even small moves matter. Be the person who translates ambiguity into enthusiasm. Offer solutions. Connect dots. Celebrate wins, even the tiny ones. And when things go sideways—and they will—lead with honesty and accountability, not spin.

Making the Case for Change

In Jim Collins’ book, “Good to Great”, he argues that the problem with “good companies” is that they get complacent. Done thoughtfully, change can give you a competitive advantage and revive lethargic cultures. It can propel teams away from tolerating mediocracy and light a fire for growth. Done poorly, and it can simply be disruptive and chaotic. Think, “squirrel” or “flavor of the month”. The common response I hear from long-term employees in these workplaces? They choose to take no action and tell newcomers, “this too shall pass”.

Building trust during times of change is one of the most critical responsibilities of a leader. An effective way to do that is to be transparent, sit with the messiness of it, model adaptability, and rally others forward.

Because here’s the truth: change is rarely a solo sport. It’s collective. Cultural. Cumulative. The more we embrace that, the more resilient, creative, and aligned our organizations become.

How do you do change?

Whatever your relationship is to change – resist it, embrace it, begrudgingly accept it, or actively seek it out – it is an inevitable force in our workplaces.

Most people have a complex relationship to change. We can desire it while actively resisting it.  We can energetically seek it out only to not be satisfied with it once we get it – feeling perpetually restless. We may avoid it unconsciously with statements like, “we’ve tried that before” or “nothing’s going to change”. Perhaps you are totally comfortable with the idea others changing!

So, let’s reframe our relationship to change. It’s not just something to endure—it’s something to shape.

And maybe—just maybe— change is not the enemy; it is merely an invitation to evolve.

What change are you ready to champion?

What are the Telltale Signs of Meaningful Camaraderie?

Camaraderie – the spirit of goodwill, rapport, and loyalty – is the magical essence of a robust team. It is a sense that you are “in it together” and “have each other’s backs”.

If you have experienced it, you know the feeling and impact it can have. It’s not achieved through a happy hour or one-off team building session (although shared activities can plant the seeds for more cohesiveness). True camaraderie is not at the expense of others (i.e. “us vs. them”). Instead, it exhibits the following conditions:

1.     Collaboration. The willingness and ability to work together, to contribute to each other and to a common goal.

2.     Trust. The presence of mutual trust in each other’s knowledge, skills, and character.

3.     Respect. Holding each other in high regard, an admiration for a team member that might be demonstrated by asking for their advice or perspective and listening attentively.

4.     Care. A desire for the best for each other and empathy for each other’s journey.

5.     Connection. A deeper understanding and acceptance of each other – achieved through substantive, honest, and vulnerable conversations.  

When we work with team members with whom we trust and respect, it fuels a kind of synergy that produces great work and a sense of satisfaction. The process is energizing and the outcomes enhanced.

It takes intentionality to build real camaraderie, especially in hybrid work environments. A recent McKinsey & Company study suggests that remote workers are aware of the need for connection and the difficulties of virtual work, with 44% of employees fearing the loss of community and connection to colleagues, and 43% fearing reduced collaboration.

A workplace culture of camaraderie does not imply having total ease or alignment, or the making of friendships at the expense of achieving work objectives. It’s not “Kumbaya”, it is a shared commitment with worthy collaborators.

 Collaboration Made Eas(ier)

The idea of collaboration seems like a no-brainer. We operate in teams. We need each other’s strengths and experiences to deliver on our big picture visions. We should be better together – and if we are not, we need to figure out how to be better together because it has the potential to be a game changer in morale and an organization’s effectiveness.

Collaboration can ignite creativity and innovation; it can level up our inspiration and our collective ability to solve sticky issues and bring about change.

And the truth is, collaboration takes effort and practice. It requires the ability to let go of full control (and our ego) and be open to co-creating the experience. Teams that operate in the context of co-creating invite diverse opinions without feeling threatened.

Collaboration also takes passionate curiosity, commitment to a shared goal, and an understanding of the interdependency in which you operate. Working collaboratively requires master level skills in communications and emotional intelligence!

Working in Silos: The Antithesis of Collaboration

If we struggle with our teammates, we might find ourselves resisting what others offer, working in silos, hoarding information, and feeling unsupported and uncomfortable in offering out-of-the-box ideas. In that kind of environment, working independently can feel more satisfying as we have more control, more creative freedom, and more autonomy – even if our ultimate impact is limited.

Silos can happen when people bury their heads into their own tasks, without paying attention to the common goal or the interplay among co-workers. Silos can happen within a department – each person focused solely on their respective responsibilities, or they can happen between departments.

Internal Team Silos

If there are unclear processes or responsibilities and limited shared projects, individual team members might default to focusing strictly on their own role; even slipping into “that’s not my job” mentality. And yet, a team of superstars will not make great strides if they don’t operate in sync. Egos, unwillingness to help each other, inability to see the interconnectedness of their efforts (workflow, mission, etc.) get in the way.

Teams have a collective and shared reputation – a brand. The integrity of their brand is dependent upon the stakeholder experience of each team member. In other words, internal and external customers will often judge the effectiveness of a team as a whole.

Departmental Silos

It’s not uncommon for sales to create stress on operations (bringing in too much or too little work), or operations on sales (efficiency or quality issues that impact the customer experience), yet clearly, they need each other. I have seen teams be strong together at the expense of another department, as if having a foe is their bond.

Follow the unaddressed friction and it will show you where the fissures exist in your organization’s team dynamics.

How can you raise your collaboration game?

Transitioning from operating in silos to high-performing teams requires intentional cultural, structural, and behavioral shifts. A practical roadmap:

• Awareness. Acknowledge the presence of silos and openly discuss how they hinder collaboration, innovation, and efficiency. Use examples of missed opportunities, duplicated work, or credibility within the organization to illustrate the impact.

• Assessment. Conduct a team assessment to establish a baseline of organizational health in the domains of collaboration, trust, respect, care, and connection.

• Map out existing workflows and decision-making processes. Understanding how things get done and each person’s contribution can help people step into a collaborative spirit.

• Align teams around a common purpose, objective or initiative. Ensure goals are interdependent – not achievable by one person or one team alone. Cross functional teams become the structure for delivering results.

• Create expectations of working effectively together. Bring team members together to communicate, brainstorm, and solve problems.

• Reward team behavior, highlight the interdependence demonstrated in any win.

• Normalize feedback as a way of learning together and defining team norms. This includes regular appreciation and course correction of team dynamics.

A culture of camaraderie is a culture of belonging. Deep camaraderie creates space to contribute to each other – a giving and receiving – from a place of care. The rewards are worth the effort!

Candor - Is it welcomed at your workplace?

Imagine a workplace where people are interacting in an open, honest, and forthright way; communicating without reservation, saying what they mean.

Now imagine that workplace is also guided by the spirit of compassion – where interactions are both frank and kind; genuine and thoughtful.

From a communication practitioner’s perspective, it sounds like workplace utopia! It sets the stage for robust organizational health - building relationship with every conversation. It also has the potential to create a true learning and collaborative environment. Imagine that!

Author Kim Scott, in her book, Radical Candor, speaks of a communication framework that is both challenging and caring, combining direct feedback with empathy. The aim of such a framework is to promote growth through sincere praise and clear, kind criticism. In other words, the kind of cultural backbone that builds respect, trust, and excellence.

Getting to Candor

There’s a collection of skills and a particular mindset required to be effective at candor. It is not sufficient to be “direct”. Or “tell it like it is”, as if one has zero responsibility for their emotional wake. It is not a euphemism for brutal honesty. Practicing being candid isn’t about being stubbornly right. It is not a blank check to spew out your unprocessed thoughts and emotions. Also important to keep in mind, your candor isn’t necessarily “the truth”, nor does your opinion need to be expressed in every situation.

The goal is not to create a psychologically safe culture. The goal is to create a culture that can meet the demands of your organization. A culture that can deliver on its “raison d'être.”

Psychological safety is the condition needed to foster such a culture, where candor is not only welcomed, but rewarded; where accountability is embraced, not merely experienced as a reprimand; where mistakes are portals of discovery, not shameful acts to be covered up; and where space is made for the vulnerable acts of risk- and initiative-taking, respectful disagreements, and not having the answers.

Psychological safety is an indicator of a healthy, learning culture of contribution. It’s not about niceties or avoiding discomfort. In fact, if your culture lacks spirited discourse, it may not be as psychologically safe as you think. People may be holding back, playing it safe vs. feeling safe, and thereby not being fully engaged in creative problem-solving.

Candor plants the seeds for trusted collaboration. It can set the tone for meaningful dialogue – sparking a shared curiosity and commitment to delivering on the work. It’s the antithesis of hidden agendas or manipulative insincerity.

Candor: It Can Be Refreshing

The fact that candor is frequently preceded by the adjective ‘refreshing’ suggests that it is often unexpected, a shift from guarded or euphemistic language. Candor, done right, can be refreshing and freeing. It can say, “I hold you in high regard and want to share my take on things”.  

When people trust that you come with good intentions and speak your truth, they know where they stand with you. There’s less ambiguity and second guessing about the message or the motivation. This results in more transparency and less drama. And for those driven by efficiency – candor cuts through the noise and confusion that can stall progress.

Healthy candor is sharing your perspective, from the heart, with a desire to do so for the greater good, from a place of respect and care, while raising the collective bar. It’s about creating a culture that brings out our best - removing obstacles, challenging assumptions, bringing clarity to expectations, and daylighting blind spots.  It does not coddle, nor does it demean.  

Good employees want candor!

I sat writing this column at a local watering hole, and in classic Karen fashion, was observing the scene around me. There was a table of three having a grand ole time together. Observation turned to engagement and soon they invited me to join them. I explained I couldn’t stay as I had to finish my column, and they asked what I was writing about. I responded, “it’s about candor and psychological safety in the workplace”. I learned they worked for the USPS, across different departments, and they were caring, passionate, frustrated, hopeful, and hungry for their culture to evolve. When I explained that that psychological safety wasn’t about coddling but about creating the right conditions to do good work, one woman, wholeheartedly welcomed the idea, saying, we want a culture where we are “not babying, and putting up with ineptitude.”

Candor in Action

“What one person sees as helpful candor, another might experience as harsh criticism.”—Dr. Diane Hamilton, Forbes.com. It takes practice to strike the right balance. Here are some examples:

• The CEO’s candor during the quarterly meeting helped employees understand the company’s challenges and how they could contribute to solutions.

• “I appreciate your candor during that meeting. It was hard to hear but we had a more productive discussion as a result.”

• “Our 1:1 meetings are invaluable to me, yet when you keep rescheduling them it feels like they are not a priority to you. I appreciate you are busy, but can we be more consistent in having them?”

• “Well, I could have handled that better. My passion overrode my patience.”

Wanting a culture of trust and respect without a willingness to embrace radical candor is like wanting to be physically fit without the willingness and discipline to exercise regularly. It takes courage to overcome our fears to speak up and to stop tolerating a culture of mediocracy.

Imagine a Culture of Candor

Imagine a workplace where the unspoken is spoken, there are no “elephants in the room” and fewer backroom negotiations and side conversations!

Think of it as the capacity to articulate your perspective, your thoughts and feelings in a clear, impactful, and effective way.

If in doubt, consider Scott’s summary of radical candor, “saying what you think while giving a damn about the person you are saying it to”.

When tensions rise ...

Perhaps the most common desired outcome I hear from coaching clients is to learn how to better navigate difficult conversations.

It is understandable. Conflict can feel incredibly uncomfortable, destabilizing, and even threatening. Our emotions get triggered, our words mangled, and our demeanor disheveled. We don’t feel in control in an atmosphere that is charged. That can lead to feeling exposed in a way that we feel a need to protect ourselves.

Self-protection shows up in a lot of ways. The most common armors we adorn are defensiveness and righteousness, which can lead to lashing out, avoidance and/or stubbornness. And while they may feel justified, they do little to advance the issues, solicit growth, or foster a healthy workplace culture.

When we feel tensions rise it is our emotional intelligence awakening the need to tend to issues that matter to us. The sooner we do so, the more likely we can successfully cut through the intensity and unpack what is really transpiring underneath. The longer we wait, the more likely those tensions are to simmer until they boil over into resentment, building our case against others, anchoring our assumptions as truth, and our hurt as proof of being wronged. 

In Brene Brown’s book, “Dare to Lead”, she introduces us to her concept of, “Let’s rumble”, as a way to show up differently in these spaces. “A rumble is a discussion, conversation, or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability, to stay curious and generous, to stick with the messy middle of problem identification and solving, to break and circle back, when necessary, to be fearless in owning our parts…”. Now, that’s a lot to bring when we are having strong negative feelings, but it is an excellent framework to practice!

Recently I was coaching an emerging leader who was left with a lingering sour taste after how feedback was delivered from his manager. It was confusing as he is regularly being praised for his performance, but a recent conversation left him feeling off. As we unpacked the situation, we zeroed in on what was troubling him and why, and he felt confident to speak to his manager in a way that would clear the air and recalibrate the relationship.

The beauty of it: he didn’t wait, didn’t stew on it, didn’t extrapolate a fabricated story about his manager from the experience, rather he owned and acted on the emotional cues to get to the heart of the matter. He can do this in large part because there is a strong foundation of earned mutual trust in their relationship. That guy is going to be a remarkable leader!

A deepening of the relationship

People are often surprised when I tell them that my original conflict style was “avoid and placate”. If you would have told young Karen that one day I would lean into the discomfort to embrace a more honest conversation; that one day I would be teaching others the art of navigating those tough conversations with their messy emotions, I would have surely scoffed!

My motivation for addressing sticky issues isn’t because I enjoy a good “rumble” as Brene Brown would call it. I find the courage to have a real conversation because I understand that on the other side of that discomfort is the potential for a more meaningful relationship. It has been increasingly difficult for me to sit with something that is left unsaid, for I understand it is an obstacle to the very thing I want: connection.

The conflict is the way through

I had another client experience where both parties were feeling the growing tensions of their fractured relationship. In preparation for a facilitated dialogue, I interviewed them both independently. What we discovered was fascinating – they were experiencing the same frustrations! Neither felt respected by the other, nor did they feel heard.

Listening is often the first thing to evaporate when conflict is brewing. And yet, as Brown’s research shows, “the antidote to armoring up is staying curious”. If we can, “listen with same passion with which we want to be heard,” as psychologist Harriet Lerner invites us to do, we are better able to “show up with an open heart and mind so we can serve the work and each other, not our egos (or our fears)” [Brene Brown].

Burying discomfort doesn’t make it go away. It’s always lurking just below the surface, ready to trip us up. Unresolved issues are an improperly cared for wound that tend to fester and negatively impact health. Left unattended, the fracture spills into team dynamics and organizational culture, with significant costs.

How you manage tension shapes the norms of your workplace. Do you surface issues promptly and respectfully, or lean on passive aggressive techniques that erode trust and respect and add drama, inefficiencies, and ineffectiveness?

Feeling tension?

• Acknowledge it, without judgment or justification.

• Examine your emotions. Sit with them to understand them. Resist the urge to make someone else responsible for them.

• Examine your motivations. Is it to be right, or to grow? To resolve an impasse? Advance a cause? To feel less stressed? Or to create a harmonious and respectful work environment?

• Initiate a “rumble” conversation.   Turn down the noise and seek common ground

• Hunt for insights – for yourself and in understanding others.  You don’t have to agree to validate someone’s experience.

Creating a culture of belonging

Addressing the tension we feel not only builds resiliency and relationships, it sends a message that we value diverse opinions, styles, approaches, and perspectives. Inviting real conversations with the intent of truly understanding provides a forum for creating alignment, making new agreements, and creating space for a fuller experience and an expression of potential.

Slow down, set aside your armor, and find the courage to find another way through.

From Critic to Critical Thinker

As a business therapist, my job is to help untangle the complexity of human dynamics in the work world. In this attempt at sense-making, I sometimes stumble upon an insight or perspective that feeds into a societal norm or trend. Here is what I am noticing …

We are conflating the act of criticizing (ourselves and others), with the skill of critical thinking.

In a series of recent training sessions, I explored with my client the ways in which we use criticism of ourselves as a carrot and stick mechanism for self-improvement. In other words, in the name of personal growth, we beat ourselves up. In the name of feeling better about ourselves, we cast judgment onto others, allowing the faults we perceive of theirs to elevate the perception we have of ourselves. Being critical in this fashion is often shame-inducing, which generally ignites feelings of defensiveness. These acts of criticism ultimately drain our energy and deteriorate our relationships.

Most of us like to think we are critical thinkers, just like we all like to think we are good drivers! And yet, the constant media/information vortex in which we find ourselves diminishes our critical thinking skills. If you are going to have a story, data, report, or social media post influence your way of thinking, what you believe to be true, and decisions you make in your life, you’ll want to trust that the interpretation has gone through some rigor.

As a self-proclaimed word geek, I had to do a little etymological digging.  The word “critical” can mean:

1. Judging severely and finding fault.

2. Reflecting careful analysis and judgment.

3. A turning point; crucial or decisive.

4. Being in, or on the verge of, a state of crisis or emergency.

We are strengthening our capacity to be armchair critics (judging severely and finding fault), while losing our capacity to think critically (reflecting careful analysis). If we operate as if everything is critical (state of crisis), we are perpetuating an unhealthy sense of urgency and feeding drama. If, on the other hand, we practice an astute way of perceiving the world, we may bring a critical eye that illuminates a truer reality.

Critical thinking is the ability to analyze information objectively – weeding out the biases, the inaccuracies, questioning assumptions, and assessing the reliability of sources. Critical thinking isn’t about being constantly negative or critical of everything. It is not meant as a copout to naysay change or validate resistance and remain stuck in one’s views. It’s about having an open, inquisitive mind that values the discovery process. It is about arriving at your own carefully considered conclusions instead of taking information at face value – and being able to shift your thinking when presented with new compelling data. It’s a nimble state of mind that affords you better decision-making and problem-solving.

Thinking critically can also help you see waste in workflows and innovate for better results because you have trained your brain to productively challenge the status quo, sometimes with the simple question of, “Why …”? Why do we do it this way? Coupled with curiosity and enthusiasm, the critical thinker can inspire fresh ideas and collaborative efforts for continuous improvement.

 Demonstrating your capacity to think clearly and integrate facts builds your credibility. Here are a few questions you can explore to help you stay vigilant:

• Is this information complete and up to date?

• What evidence is being presented to support the argument?

• Whose voice is missing here?

• Is the source trustworthy?

• Are there sweeping generalizations or absolutes being made?

• Can you distinguish between opinions, beliefs, and hard data?

• Can you name your own biases on this topic?

• Are you attached to your version of the story?

• Are you invested in proving “them” wrong or in finding the truth?

• Are you seeking validation for what you already know?

• Is the argument emotionally charged?

While critical thinking emphasizes logical reasoning, it does not need to do so at the exclusion of emotional intelligence. In fact, high EQ is essential in checking ourselves! Strong emotions can be amazing fuel for action, and they can cloud one’s perspective, fueling a stubborn attachment to a certain way of thinking.

Organizational psychologist Adam Grant offers this advice on how to be a better critical thinker:

1.     Be 10% more skeptical of people you agree with – and 10% more charitable to people you disagree with

2.     Look for flaws in ideas you like – and strengths in arguments you dislike.

3.     Discount sources that always trumpet the same narrative- and learn from those that engage with competing ideas.

Embracing this mental acuity is an opportunity to move from being critical to elevating our intellect. Yet, it isn’t just about becoming smarter or more effective. It’s a way to engage in the kind of dialogue that invites a real exchange of ideas. In doing so, we prioritize our relationships, because in the spirit of critical thinking we ask good, open-ended questions and listen intently. In this vein, even when we disagree, we will have a deeper understanding of motivations and reasons, rather than righteous indignation.

The human side of business is often complex and messy, yet it is the heart and soul of our work. Let’s show our colleagues the care and respect they deserve, and that we want for ourselves. Collectively, we can change the tone of our personal and professional discourse.

We don’t have to be critical, to think critically.

Seeking to elevate your impact in 2025?

In preparation for the new year, you may have reflected on how you want to advance your organization, your team, or your own leadership effectiveness. The beginning of a new year is a natural time for fresh starts – and behavioral science research shows that the “fresh start effect” can bring momentum to our efforts.

This is the time of year we usually define goals, shape priorities, connect accountabilities to initiatives, and generally finalize game plans. Clarity of direction is a powerful element in a leader’s repertoire. How else can people follow you if they don’t understand where you are going? Articulating goals puts your expectations in motion. Yet, inspiring sustained effort beyond the new year launch will take more than a well-thought-out strategy.

Unlock your ability to communicate, and you unlock your potential to lead.

Whatever your hopes for 2025, your capacity to achieve them might lie in your ability to clearly and compellingly communicate.

Communication is more than directing your team on the organization’s direction and goals. It’s more than offering valuable feedback, or keeping people informed, or even listening to colleagues’ new ideas (although all of those are essential). Communicating is more than getting our message across, it’s about making a connection. Communications guru Vinh Giang says, “If you want to influence people, it is not just our words, it is in the generosity of energy we give people.”

We all have an “emotional wake” that ripples out from us. Leaders especially so, as they set the tone for the cultural norms. That doesn’t translate into being overly responsible for others, rather owning how we show up and the impact we can have. Likely, you are not fully aware of the impact you have on others. In fact, sometimes we unintentionally create the very opposite desired effect!

Cue mindful leadership.

Each new year I begin with a theme to set my intentions. This year’s word: agency. It’s the capacity to influence my own thoughts and behavior; exercising autonomy in the choices I make, the things I do, and how I go about life. It’s personal accountability in action. I’ve discovered it is easier to embrace a sense of agency when I practice mindfulness. Only then do I have the level of consciousness to be aware of my patterns and direct my energies to align with what I want to experience.

Mindful leadership has the potential to reduce workplace stress, find new ways to solve problems, improve collaboration, promote adaptability to change, and increase creative contribution.

Mindful leaders bring an awareness to their surroundings, a keen observation of dynamics; they notice moods and shifts in energy, and they can sense disengagement in the moment. They pick up on nuances of body language and find entry points to engage even the most reserved. They are skilled in the art of being present and paying attention.

Couple all that with caring, and you have a leader who knows how to connect and inspire! Now what you have to say has more importance because you have invested in creating an honest and open space of belonging.

But first, you will want to hone those observation skills to develop self-awareness. You will have more credibility if you are able to honestly assess your own strengths, weaknesses, and emotional triggers. Notice the emotions that arise when you are in a difficult conversation with a colleague. Do you shut down? Raise your voice? Make them wrong? Become more authoritarian? Push your opinion as the only right one? A mindful leader takes a moment to breathe, assess the situation, and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally.

If you become known as a leader who makes thoughtful, balanced decisions aligned with core values and long-term goals, you will bring a steadiness and trustworthiness to your organization. Mindfulness brings clarity, focus, and calmness.

New leaders - notice when you are spending too much time and energy proving yourself, advocating stubbornly for your position or defaulting to the power of your position rather than the strength of the relationship. Allow space in a conversation for the dialogue to be organic; a flow that relinquishes control of the outcome. You can still be passionate about the issues, while being clued into what is happening for others. Bringing an empathetic ear might bring the shift needed to reduce friction and find common ground. We all want and deserve to be seen and heard.

Your leadership responsibility is helping those around you achieve their highest potential. If you master the skills of noticing and being curious about the people in your sphere of influence, you will send a message that they matter. In doing so, you are inviting them to bring their full and best selves to the work at hand.

This level of engagement fosters the kind of meaningful conversations that meet people where they are, discovering their unique value and motivations. Your capacity to elevate your impact begins with the simple act of paying attention with the intent to connect and cultivate. The results will follow. May 2025 be a mindfully led, potential-unlocked, and agency-infused year!

Mastering Chaos: Building Agency Through Emotional Resiliency

Have you ever experienced intense emotions at work that interfere with your capacity to focus; that create distance between you and a colleague; or generally limit your ability to do your best? Anger, frustration, hurt, anxiety, and embarrassment are just a few examples of tough emotions that challenge our potential to do great work.

Common reactions to tough emotions are to ignore, bury, pretend they don’t matter, avoid the situation or person, let it go (but not really), ruminate, make others wrong, build one’s case (and resentment), and speak poorly of others. Spoiler alert: these tactics backfire. The intense feelings get internalized and amplified, resulting in the burden of carrying an even bigger emotional load.

Emotional intelligence, the ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions, and drives, as well as their effect on others, can make or break your job satisfaction, the possibility for meaningful, healthy relationships, and even your organization’s culture.

The beauty of delving into the complexity of emotions is that it can unearth incredible, epiphany-inducing insights. The mere act of sitting with and reflecting on the precise emotion you are experiencing can bring a deep awareness of what matters to you. By making the unconscious, conscious, we can navigate the difficult emotion with more clarity and intentionality.

Dr. Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, invites us to “go beyond the umbrella term to identify exactly what we are feeling.” For example, if we are feeling “hurt”, go deeper to understand why. Do you feel betrayed? Victimized? Jealous? Unappreciated? By understanding the emotion more accurately, we can begin to address it more effectively.

 Common Workplace Flare Ups

The workplace is a petri dish of emotional energy. People get triggered. Triggers are specific stimuli that lead to an intense emotional or psychological response. (Note: for those who have experienced trauma, the intensity will be more severe). There are several predictable ways in which an uncomfortable emotion becomes embedded in drama and dysfunction. Here are three common areas:

1.     Taking things personally,

2.     Making assumptions, and

3.     Making comparisons that results in questioning one’s value.

When negative emotions are stirred up, we often take things personally and get defensive. We attribute bad intent to the people connected to the experience. In the assumption of bad intent, we fabricate a story that feels like the truth. Misinterpretations lead to elevated tensions and decreased trust.

What might have been a simple communication breakdown, now is an unshakeable belief system – one that we defend wholeheartedly. We feel justified in our anger, we feel righteous in our position, and we stubbornly adhere to our opinions. We adorn our armor to protect where we feel most vulnerable.

 Example: “She made me anxious when she asked me that question in front of everyone. That was unfair of her to put me on the spot like that. She’s trying to discredit me. The other director isn’t meeting his goals either.”

What if, in the example above, the person that asked the question respects your opinion and believes you have something to offer to the discussion. Maybe they want to give you an opportunity to shine so you may be recognized for your thought leadership. The point being the only observable fact was the person was asked a question in a group environment. The rest is chaos conjured up.

Comparing ourselves to others. Brene Brown speaks of it as “trying to simultaneously fit in and stand out”. Her research indicates that comparisons are associated with fear, anger, shame, and sadness. In the workplace, at best it could fuel healthy competitiveness, but it often causes silos, power struggles, knowledge hoarding, and gossiping.

 Own Your Emotions.

When we speak of someone making us feel a certain way, we are giving our power away. Instead, the invitation is to own the emotion you are experiencing, understand what triggered it, interrogate the story you are telling yourself about it, and notice what is “underneath” all the noise. In the example above, you might acknowledge that you abhor public speaking, or perhaps you feel self-conscious about taking the spotlight because you value team recognition over individualism; or you prefer time to process before speaking, or maybe you feel insecure about your knowledge on the topic and fear making a mistake. The point is to be rigorously honest with yourself about what is transpiring for you.

Know our value, know our power. Emotional intelligence also means we have an honest assessment of our strengths and weaknesses. When we know where and how we excel, we can contribute in ways that empower us and shine the light for others.

Self-Advocacy.

We need to be our own advocates. That might include speaking up for yourself – articulating your wants, needs, or preferences. It might mean saying no and having clear boundaries. Self-advocacy can also be an invitation to actively pursue what you want to experience. It is an expression of agency.

Agency is the sense of control you feel in your life, your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, the capacity to exercise autonomy in decision-making and in actions. It means you have a choice in how you respond to the emotions that trigger you. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is the power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl

The next time you feel a challenging emotion at work, lean in and be curious. How do you want to show up? The choice is yours.

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It's not my job ... or is it?

The phrase “not my job”, has long been a pet peeve of mine. I remember early in my career when I was the marketing director for a general contractor. It was bid day and a bit tense around the office. I was retrieving my mail from the front desk when I overheard the project manager responsible for the bid inform the controller that the fax machine wasn’t working (Back then, that was how we received subcontractor bids). She shrugged her shoulders and blandly responded, “That’s not my job.”

My younger self was not so skilled in the art of communications and I am pretty sure I snapped at her, declaring something like, “I don’t care if the estimating team needs a $%@ cup of coffee, it’s our job to support them on bid day”.

No doubt the “not my job” mentality bristles against my predisposition for helpfulness and my Midwestern work ethic. I also worry that it can also rob people of the camaraderie experienced when there is an “all-hands-on-deck” task to execute. Doing what it takes to get the job done and having each other’s backs have been the epitome of teamwork for me. As someone who hasn’t always been great at asking for help, a culture that promotes lending a hand also makes it easier to ask for and accept support.

I realize the annoyance for me is more about the attitude I perceive behind it. The reality is that it’s more complicated than that. There are ways in which the “not my job” mantra can be invoked, in a professional manner, for smart operational management – bringing clarity and accountability to roles, responsibilities, and workflows. There are times when “not my job” provides a reality check on an organization’s true resource capacity. (When we stretch ourselves too thin, upper management just sees work getting accomplished and may not see the labor it is taking to get there).

Having worked with hundreds of organizations navigating growth and change, I have witnessed how muddied roles and responsibilities can get and how quickly communication breaks down.

Confusion in roles and responsibilities can plant the seeds for frustration and resentment – and often precipitate a decline in productivity and quality.

Expectations + Accountability + Firefighting

People want to understand what is expected of them and for what they will be held accountable. If it falls outside of their domain, they can still contribute on occasion, but it is not a regular ask.

If someone tries to delegate an undesirable task that is theirs, it might be appropriate to redirect their efforts. A classic example I see is when a manager identifies an employee who needs a performance improvement plan (PIP). Oftentimes, that manager informs the employee that Human Resources will be putting them on a PIP. HR is your business partner, there to guide and support you, but it is not their job to manage the employee. You can’t delegate a relationship!

If your organization is experiencing daily firefighting, it is worth examining how clear people’s authority is in their role and how well known and followed are the procedures and protocols? Ironically, it is often in slowing down that you can begin to catch up. #GoSlowToGoFast

 Ownership and Boundaries

It’s healthy to own our role and be accountable for our work. It can be inspiring to tackle tasks that are not in our lane, but that build our knowledge and skills – and our empathy and understanding of how the broader organization functions. It can fuel our creativity to help a colleague navigate a challenging problem. Lending support can foster a more resilient work community.  (Note: I recommend thoughtfulness when embarking on something not in one’s lane as it can be perceived as interfering, controlling, and/or untrusting).

It’s unhealthy when we say “yes” when we need to say “no”. We can feel overworked, underappreciated, and overwhelmed. Consistently overcommitting (no boundaries) deteriorates trust and leads to burnout.  

If we don’t have boundaries for our workload, our own work may suffer, and we may be masking underlying organizational ailments. Is the organization under resourced? Is it tolerating vague, haphazard, and unpredictable workflows? Is it asking people to do work that they are ill-equipped to execute? Is it ignoring poor performance by having top performers pick up the slack?

Sometimes saying “Let me help you with that” is the right offer at the right time. Sometimes, a boundary is exactly the right response.

You may come up against requests of you that are legitimately not your job and require conversations to navigate. Consider it your job to speak up, to articulate your needs, your capacity, be your own advocate, redirect a request, be a team player, and contribute to problem solving.

For example, I’m afraid I don’t know anything about the fax machines, that’s Terry’s expertise. Let me bring her into this conversation. Or “Actually, as your HR Business Partner, I don’t manage the Performance Improvement Plan. I can however coach you through the process so you can mentor your team member.”

Helping our colleagues can be an immensely satisfying experience. When we share a common goal and have our fingerprints on the work, we get to celebrate in the collective wins. It can foster a sense of being needed, appreciated, and belonging. If we are regularly asked to do more than our fair share, it can feel exhausting and generate feelings of being taken for granted.

Healthy boundaries at work can keep us from getting into unhealthy dynamics.  What can you own as your job?

New Paths, Old Resistance

How to keep things right-side up during times of transition.

By Karen Natzel, Business Therapist, K Communications

Let’s face it. Change can be messy. Chaotic. Uncertain. It can also be invigorating and full of possibilities. Change can lead to growth, if we choose to lean into – rather than resist - it.  If we can learn to be fluid, open, and curious to the change we are facing, we can move through the discomfort and into its potential benefits.

Big organizational change typically falls into three buckets: shift in strategy or priorities, change of people / positions, and a redesign of how work gets done. Any one of these can be overwhelming, but often organizations experience change in each of these categories simultaneously. Whatever the change, implementing a few best practices can make it less arduous and more impactful.

Shift in Strategy/Priorities

If external or internal forces require your organization to move in a new direction or to reprioritize your resources, learning how to tell the story of what and why is essential. When you can clearly paint a picture of the reason these changes are in motion, you shorten the adoption of the change and soften the disappointment if a beloved project is being shelved.

When you can explain the changes in context of your team members’ roles and motivators, you make it relevant and compelling, giving them a reason to give the new ideas or initiatives a try. Without a strong story that captures what is in it for them, it can sound like noise and feel like a burden. To lead your team through this chapter, you will need to understand what they truly care about and help them see how they can contribute to the new direction or focus.

Poor implementation of strategy is often a result of a failure to acknowledge natural resistance to change and a missed opportunity to generate engaged buy-in. When you empathize with the struggle and create space for them to shape the outcomes, you’ll generally find you can get better traction.

 Share your vision. Give people something to which they can say an enthusiastic, “Yes!”.

Change of People/Positions

You may have heard the adage, “Right person in the right role”. The wisdom behind this is about leveraging strengths, passions, experience, and ambitions. To set someone up for success in a new role, co-create goals for the first 90-days, 6-months, and year. When those goals are aligned with the organization’s purpose and are in service to a meaningful contribution, you have a winning formula.

New roles, shifts in responsibilities, new colleague relationships, and new authority all mark the experience of a leader’s journey. As one new leader recently confessed, “It’s surprisingly lonely in this role.” It can be daunting to step into a new position. One of the most common laments I hear during times of change is a lack of clarity around roles and responsibilities. This can be befuddling to senior leaders who feel like they have laid out the role and want the new leader to step up and own it.

 Accepting a lack of clarity as a natural condition of leading can foster a healthy bias for action. Rather than waiting for clarity to strike, great leaders take what they see as the next best possible action. Grant yourself – and your team – the permission needed to evolve.

Operational Redesign

At some point, how you’ve always done things will not serve how you need to do things now. By right-sizing your operations with the appropriate workflows and processes, you create a necessary framework for people to understand how work gets done. A process with clear handoffs helps illustrate what people need to do in their respective roles to deliver great work – and it shows the interdependence of cross-functional teams. Effective processes are not patchworked together but also not over-engineered.

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

There’s a reason my mantra is “Have the conversation”. Transition breeds confusion. People feel uprooted. Trust can be in jeopardy. A commitment to communicating – keeping people informed and in the loop, engaging in brainstorming sessions, and checking for understanding brings people together.

Leaders, having been privy to the change for a much longer period, often forget to recalibrate to where their people are. Slowing down to roll out the change with some intentionality can help people feel valued and respected. After all, implementation is in the hands of the people!

Leading change isn’t just about presenting a new direction, opportunity, or operational restructuring. It’s about listening to what isn’t working and finding ways to remove the obstacles. It’s about articulating clear expectations and offering supportive guidance. People need feedback – and this is especially true in the face of uncertainty and in the space of new habit formation. By giving specific, real-time positive and constructive feedback, you are reinforcing your expectations while helping them manifest the desired change, one attitude and one behavior at a time.  

As you step into the role of change agent, consider:

• What problem(s) are you trying to solve with the proposed change?

• What are the priorities? Too many or a lack of clarity will torpedo your efforts.

• What are the impacts you are seeking? When you see any proof of progress, acknowledge and celebrate it.

• How aligned is your leadership team? Beating the same drum and in plain speak can aid in advancing the cause.

• How will you be a resource to your team? Hold space for real conversations.

When we move with change, we may find creativity-infused thinking that ignites a fresh perspective. If we move along with the status quo, insisting things are “fine”, we will stagnate.

Leaders who stay grounded in a compelling and shared purpose, and demonstrate a commitment to creating meaningful value, will be better positioned to navigate the sea of change.

Go ahead, experiment, say yes to evolving your organization to what’s next. You don’t need permission to start making a difference.

Preserving Your Culture During Periods of Transition and Growth

A thriving culture attracts and retains great employees, collaborators, and clients. Growth, even when welcomed and necessary, can feel like a threat to that which we cherish.

• We know change is a constant, and sometimes it comes hard and fast.

• We know change is a constant, and yet, we may find ourselves and our teams resistant to it.

Why? Change can spike feelings of uncertainty, triggering a desire to stubbornly preserve what is and to exert control where we can. It can feel more secure to stay with what is known, than to venture into unchartered territory.

Many leaders have expressed to me the legitimate concern that change and growth will upend their beloved culture. They fear becoming, “too corporate”, and losing the essence of who they are; and of losing their capacity to be nimble and fluid. They are right not to take their culture for granted or leave it to chance.

I have witnessed clients come up against the culture challenge during times of change. Intellectually they understand they cannot manage a firm of 80-100 people, the same way they had managed a team of 10-20. Yet, organizations, as a collection of people, have established patterns in how they do what they do. These norms may be formalized into standard operating procedures, or more likely, a loosely organized understanding of how stuff gets done.

It is not uncommon for organizations to continue practices that are well past their effective shelf life. How we have always done things generally is not a compelling reason on its own to be the way in which we do things moving forward.

Telltale Signs

During times of substantial transition and rapid growth, be on the lookout for these common signs of growing pains:

• Increased communication breakdowns. You may find it more challenging to keep people informed, aligned, and engaged, with conflict on the rise.

• Lack of clarity of who does what. Blurred roles and responsibilities can create frustrations and inefficiencies.

• Unclear strategy or direction and competing priorities. To make the most of your resources, you need to articulate a clear plan that gives your team focus and empowerment.

• Decline in quality. Without proper workflows or explicit expectations at all levels, quality can slip.

• Stalled initiatives may indicate a failure to achieve buy-in and/or too many at once, often resulting in a dive in employee engagement.

• Less collaboration and more, “just tell me what to do”.

• Slow decision-making. While being deliberate and inclusive in making important decisions is smart, being overly democratic and indecisive reflects poorly on leadership.

• Compromised brand integrity. Your brand is an external representation of the internal company workings. An integrity gap is the distance between what you say about your organization and how you actually operate. When there is a disconnect, you run the risk of deteriorating trust – internally and externally.

Beware the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia. “We’ve always done it this way”; “when I became a leader, we just did whatever it took”. We humans tend to soften past struggles and slip into a simpler story of the past than we originally experienced it. And conditions now are likely different than they were then. Resistance to change by the “old guard” can result in less creativity and contribution by younger or newer staff.

Adaptability in Action.

Recently a client identified critical issues undermining their capacity to deliver.  They underwent a swift departmental restructuring. The resulting reorganization was instrumental in retention of key employees, as well as providing growth opportunities for top talent. This change better reflected and supported the ground truth reality of what was needed to continue delivering optimal service to their clients. They were able to execute this decision quickly and with minimal disruption in part because they embrace a growth mindset. If it’s not working, their culture is equipped to adapt.

Values and Beliefs as GPS Coordinates.

I have a client that has well-established and fully integrated values and beliefs that shape its cultural norms. Managers use them in making decisions and in giving feedback; at meetings you’ll hear their values guiding discussions; and they are embedded in performance reviews. They reflect a commitment to excellence, communications, balanced lives, a safe work environment, accountability, and even fun and laughter. This shared code of conduct helps team members navigate the inevitable challenges and frustrations that arise – internally and externally. And this is a firm with thousands of employees across the globe, serving several public and private industries. In other words, they are a large, complex organization that has relied on its values and beliefs developed at the origin of the company, to keep fostering a culture that creates a sense of belonging while driving performance.

What can you do to lead your organization through times of transition and growth?

Take Inventory:

1.     Examine your organization’s patterns. What still works? What no longer serves you? How do you address difficult issues/conversations? How do you make decisions?

2.     Conduct an Integrity Audit. How well are you living the brand you profess? If you proudly tell clients about your collaborative approach, where might you level up your collaboration internally? Recommit to articulating and practicing your stated values.

3.     What do you cherish about your culture? What is part of your DNA that you want to preserve?

4.     Where can you remove barriers of resistance? How can you enroll others in your vision?

I invite you to shift from being change-resistant to being intentional about creating the change that will best serve your organization. Stability or security is not in tightly holding onto what is, but in trusting in the integrity of how you operate; and in welcoming the creative energy that can come from change.

An intentionally curated culture, based on a solid foundation of values and effective norms, can not only weather the seas of change, but embrace the continual evolution that makes for robust organizational health.

Boundaries: The Promise of Empowerment

The art of articulating your wants and needs

When Warren Miller’s “No Boundaries” extreme ski tour hit the Arlene Schnitzer theater in the mid-2000s, I admit I was bedazzled by the feats, the adrenaline, and the badassery of it all. The freedom of the wild, uncharted territory stirred up a spirit of adventure and unstoppable, rule-breaking energy.

No Limits. It feels so full of possibilities ... so empowering!

My relationship to boundaries was a concept of limitations. It felt like someone telling me what I could and could not do. It felt restrictive. And, for someone who values freedom, I wanted nothing to do with that notion of boundaries!

It took a few years before I understood the tremendous value boundaries can bring to self-care, healthy relationships, and high-functioning teams.  I came to understand boundaries as a mechanism to be more responsible for my experiences, providing me with a way to construct a life on my terms.

Redefining the Lines. 

Boundaries are a way to articulate what you want and need. They tell people what matters to you, what you stand for, and what you will not tolerate. Clear and healthy boundaries reflect healthy self-respect and are an acknowledgment of personal accountability.  They serve as guidelines for how you are treated and how you treat others.  

A Balancing Act

Consider for a moment how you want to be perceived in your workplace. Reliable? Helpful? Valuable? A team player? Kind and generous?

These are all worthy, admirable traits of any professional. Where we tend to get into trouble is when we over-index. We tip the scales to being hyper-reliable and helpful, regularly bending over backwards to accommodate others. Reactionary rather than responsive. We perceive our value as to being the “go to” person that always says, “yes”. We put in an extraordinary amount of effort at the eleventh hour and at the expense of other personal commitments, so that we don’t let the team down or the project falter.  In the mistaken name of kindness and generosity we send mixed messages and unclear feedback while perpetuating coddling.

All of this muddies the water of good working relationships. It adds the burden of confusion to team dynamics and can lead to power struggles, assumptions, and resentment. Trust and respect are on the line when we fail to articulate and keep healthy boundaries.

Strong relationships have a more equal exchange of give and take. We negotiate with each other to accomplish the tasks at hand while getting our fundamental needs met. When people know where we stand – and where they stand with us – we create a space for honest dialogue.

Where Boundaries Often Exist

Time, energy, and personal space are common domains for boundary-setting. Your time is finite and how you spend it reflects your values and priorities. If you find your calendar regularly at the whim of others’ demands, you likely will not feel in control of your own time.

If you find yourself exhausted from overcommitments or energy sucking activities and people, you may need to set boundaries to protect your own energy. Boundary setting is essential when you experience unacceptable behavior from others such as disrespect or hostility. It may come in the form of someone talking over you, taking credit for your work, speaking ill of others, showing up late, not responding to repeated requests, or in taking advantage of you in some way.

Violations + Triggers – How do you know a boundary has been crossed?

You may not have clear boundaries in place, but you likely have experienced the emotions that come with a boundary violation.

Emotional states such as anxiety, anger, shame, annoyance, indignation, not feeling appreciated, are cues that something is amiss. These telltale signs can help bring clarity to what we want that we are not getting.

Why can it be so hard to create and maintain boundaries?

Have you had the experience of someone asking you to go to an event that you don’t want to go to, and if you have a pre-existing commitment, you cheerfully reply, “Thanks for the invite but I have plans”. Yet, if you don’t actually have plans, find it uncomfortable just to say, “No thanks.”?

When we attempt to put a boundary in place we may feel like we are letting others down. We may feel real or perceived pressure to say yes. It can stir up a twinge of guilt.

It is a social skill to read people. If, however, we spend so much energy considering what we say and how we say it, we might be mistaking our emotional awareness with people pleasing.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be helpful. The problems emerge when we take on other peoples’ issues as our own. We can be responsible to others without being responsible for them.

We also may have a perception that “boundary keepers” are rigid, too sensitive, or selfish, thereby making boundary setting feel unsavory.  A reframe is that boundary keepers are committed to long term sustainable success, creating an environment of focus, respect, clarity, and continued check-ins to reflect the evolving needs of the work environment.

How to become a better, guilt-free, empowered "Boundary Keeper"  

• Protect your time. Whether that’s a time block to tackle a work project without interruption or keeping an agreement you’ve made with yourself.

• Limit time with people whose energy is exhausting to you.

• Ask for help or delegate.

• Don’t answer emails after hours or on weekends.

• Renegotiate priorities when your workload is at capacity.

• Stop being the dumping ground of office drama. You can choose to listen but redirect them to resolve the issue with the person with whom they are in conflict.

• Maintain objectivity by not getting too invested in others’ stuff. 

• Don’t share someone else’s struggles. It’s their story to tell.

What boundary are you ready to set?

Maintaining boundaries requires a healthy dose of self-awareness and discipline. Stay connected to what you see as the benefits of honoring your boundaries. Don't be surprised if you find it to be an incredibly freeing and empowering experience! 

 ~ Karen

P.S. I invite you to confidentially share your boundary breakthroughs and setbacks with me. I love hearing from other people doing the work, or as Brene Brown likes to say, someone who is "in the arena". 

Develop Leadership Resiliency - for you, your team, and your organization's well-being

This week I facilitated a client’s offsite retreat. Six months ago, they restructured their business - increasing the size of the leadership team and reexamining roles and responsibilities. All very common organizational shifts during cycles of growth and change.

I conducted an exercise I called, “Taking the Pulse”, to see what was working, what was not (yet) working, and what they were learning from the first half of the year. They spoke of the collective energy and passion, the evolving ability to see the firm’s vision, the openness to having hard conversations, and that as a leadership team they hadn’t quite found their rhythm. One participant captured it well in saying, “Building trust and respect amongst your peers takes time.”

Trust and respect are foundational to high-performing teams. When we invest in building mutual trust and respect in our relationships - our work and our organizational health - is more robust. The presence of trust and respect in a work relationship makes for what my client calls, “worthy collaborators.” And the experience is transformational (and fun!). Yet we often gloss over how to effectively build these relationship skills to competently and confidently lead! Leadership is not about having all the answers, or even fixing all the problems, rather, it is about creating a culture of shared resiliency. 

Defining Resiliency

My working definition of resiliency is the capacity to prepare for, adapt to, and recover from adversity, change, challenge, and stress. Leading is hard. Resilient leadership is a belief system and learned skill set designed to help leaders navigate the constant uncertainty they face, together.

As I was formulating the program for the retreat, I realized I wanted the team to feel safe to speak up, contribute, and engage in respectful candor. I wanted each leader to be seen and heard for who they are and what they bring. I wanted them to be open – actively listening to each other with curiosity, not judgment or resistance. I wanted them to leave the retreat owning their roles.

I also wanted to hold space for the team to connect with each other and learn together. This of course requires a degree of vulnerability, and I was not sure what their appetite was for that at this stage of their journey. Then it struck me, what I really wanted was to empower the members of the leadership team with a key resiliency trait – a growth mindset!

“People with a growth mindset see challenges as opportunities for growth and discovery; whereas those with a fixed mindset see them as impossible obstacles and tend to confine themselves to the boundaries of their comfort zones”, Ashley Pena, LCSW, Executive Director, Mission Connection

Psychologist Carol Dweck developed the concept of the growth mindset after decades of research, and popularized it in her 2006 non-academic book, “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success”. Since then, Dweck’s protégé, social psychologist Marcy C. Murphy, has shown that mindset transcends individuals. Her research reveals that, “organizations and teams more geared towards growth inspire deeper learning, spark collaboration, spur innovation, and build trust necessary for risking-taking and inclusion.”

I am currently reading Murphy’s book, “Cultures of Growth: How the New Science of Mindset Can Transform Individuals, Teams, and Organizations” as part of a client book club. It was originally recommended by organizational psychologist, Adam Grant, who suggests the book as a “…useful road map to building a learning organization and unlocking the potential in people.”

What does it mean to have a growth mindset?

A growth mindset reflects the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication, hard work, and learning.

Key characteristics include:

1.     Embracing Challenges: Seeing challenges as opportunities to grow rather than obstacles that thwart progress.

2.     Persistence. In the face of setbacks, perseverance prevails.

3.     Effort. Valuing the work as a path to mastery.

4.     Experiencing mistakes as discoveries, portals for learning.

5.     Welcoming feedback as a mechanism for continuous improvement.

6.     Finding inspiration, not envy, from others’ successes.

7.     Adaptability. Being open to new ideas and willing to adjust approaches.

8.     Curiosity. A desire to grow that is so strong, one values the learning over being right.  (Or as one of my clients is fond of saying, “I like being right so much that when I am wrong, I just change my mind!”)

An essential complement to the growth mindset, is the capacity for self-compassion. By alleviating harsh self-criticism, self-compassion reduces the fear of failure, making it more inviting to embrace the risks necessary for growth. Self-compassion fuels motivation and enthusiasm, rather than feeding self-doubt and negativity. 

Embracing challenges, fully applying our best effort, and expanding our potential does more than deliver results. I would contend that living from a place of curiosity and a desire for discovery brings a sense of wonder and expansiveness to one’s work. It offers us deep satisfaction and self-efficacy. Practically, it also helps us have a broader perspective of what is and what is not significant in the grand scheme of things (which can help mitigate stress). A bonus: approaching life this way tends to reduce our feelings of regret!

Experiencing our work with a growth mindset is a way for leaders, teams, and organizations to more sustainably achieve holistic success. It sets the tone for learning, growing, and achieving together. Resilient leadership is an invitation to lead an authentic, thriving culture, while fortifying one’s own energy for the long game.

As you travel on this path, remember the words of Winston Churchill, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

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Validate to Illuminate

Our work is more enjoyable when the relationships with our colleagues are healthy. With higher levels of respect and trust, we experience more robust collaborations, more creative problem solving, and more nimble decision-making. We also experience more camaraderie, satisfaction, and, of course, better results.

When our relationships are strained our efforts are hampered. Miscommunication, decreased accountability, increased politics, silos, and one-upmanship begin to shape the cultural norms, seeping into the work experience and diminishing team capacity and leadership credibility.

At the crux of good business is good relationships. Nurturing relationships in an honest and caring way builds a kind of resiliency that will weather the inevitable storms brought on by differing perspectives, organizational growth, and persistent change.

How do we become better at relationships?

It is not a technical skill. It’s not a checklist or a mastered technique (although knowledge, skills, and tools can be helpful). It is a human, social competency. It is a chosen temperament to invest in getting to know a person and allowing others to truly get to know you.

Have you ever had someone really understand your perspective? Get where you were coming from? Share a connected kindred spirit vibe? It is a satisfying experience to be seen and heard. It is the cornerstone of connection.

New York Times columnist, David Brooks guides us in the “skilled art of seeing others and making them feel seen, known, and understood,” in his new book, “How to Know a Person”.

He explains that building a relationship involves “being curious about other people; disagreeing without poisoning relationships; revealing vulnerability at an appropriate pace; being a good listener; knowing how to ask for and offer forgiveness; and knowing how to see things from another’s point of view.”

Do you illuminate or diminish?

How we show up matters. We all leave an “emotional wake” in our exchange with others. Do people feel inspired by your presence or stifled? Hungry to grow or hesitant to contribute?

Brooks speaks of “illuminators” and “diminishers”, defined as:

• Illuminators are genuinely curious about others – their stories, experiences, perspectives, and beliefs. They shine a bright light of caring and warmth that make people “feel bigger, deeper, respected, and lit up,” says Brooks.

• Diminishers are so focused on themselves that others feel insignificant in their presence. They see people as tools; tending to stereotype and label; determining the totality of who a person is by one trait they witnessed. 

Validate to Illuminate

In addition to giving your full attention, asking good questions, deeply listening, and generally being a good conversationalist, if you want to level up your relationships, you can learn the empathetic art of validating.

Validating is recognizing and affirming a person and their feelings and opinions as valid or worthy. Invalidating is when we deny, reject, or dismiss someone’s feelings, thereby sending the message that their subjective emotional experience is somehow inaccurate, insignificant or unacceptable.

 Validating is NOT agreeing with someone. It is not placating, coddling, or manipulating. It is slowing down the conversation enough to hold space for another’s reality, without judgment.

 Failure to Validate

Have you ever been in a conversation that escalates into friction and frustration? Often in those moments we may feel like the other person is not hearing us, and likely that feeling is mutual. When we fail to validate another’s experience, we miss the opportunity to connect and learn. We also risk missing the magical moment that could have created a breakthrough.

When difficult feelings are expressed, acknowledged, and validated by a trusted listener, those feelings will diminish. If they are ignored, the pain – and sense of separation and isolation - will gain strength.

Common missteps:

• We try to make someone feel better. When we hear someone struggling, we attempt to be their cheerleader to help them gain perspective or see a silver lining. While that can be beneficial at the right time, if we have failed to validate, it tends to shut people down as they feel dismissed. Examples: “well, it could have been worse”, or “at least it is not x”, or “look on the bright side…”.

• We try to fix it by giving unsolicited advice. “You should x”, or “Have you thought about doing x”.

• We make it about us. To be relatable, we may slip into our own story, e.g. “I have had that happen to me. Let me tell you about the time when…”.

In the moments where we are not feeling validated, it can be difficult to extend it to others. Withholding validation until the other acknowledges us sets the dynamic up for misalignment and if repeated regularly, a broken relationship.

How can you validate?

It doesn’t have to be lengthy or complicated. It can be simply acknowledging another’s emotional state. “That sounds challenging”, or “That must be frustrating”, are often good starters. If you are not able to read their emotional state, you can ask, “How are you feeling about x?”. Connecting with empathy and compassion creates a new energy in the conversation. After you have validated, you might ask how you can further assist. Do they want a possibility thinking partner? An accountability partner? Or, is being a nonjudgmental sounding board sufficient?

Relationship building can be vulnerable and unpredictable. But, if you want to elevate a relationship and invest in a healthy work environment, consider practicing the art of validation. It is an act of honoring another person’s experience, feelings, or point of view – while creating space for deeper understanding and alignment.