The Gift of Presence

I recently returned from my annual, self-facilitated business retreat. This year’s venue was the Oregon coast – and it delivered unexpectedly in sunshine, new connections, and breakthroughs in thinking.

I found myself obsessed with the concept of time – how I had spent it, how I want to spend it, how much of it I have left, and how I even perceive it (I can wax philosophical when I’m at the beach with a bottle of wine!). I know I am not alone in this quest for optimizing time – it’s a frequently named objective in my client coaching work.

I was drawn to the beach several times a day for dog walking breaks. At first, I worried that it didn’t afford me the time and focus to do the strategic work for which I came to do. Later, I realized it gave me just what I needed, once I got out of my own way!

At the close of every year, I conduct an audit to reflect on the client programs delivered, the relationships built, the marketing and business development efforts put forth and their financial impacts, the operational effectiveness of my systems, and the professional growth experienced – all in the backdrop of the current social, political, and business climate.

I ask myself questions such as:

• What went well?

• What was hard? Where did I struggle?

• What did I discover and learn?

• What brought me pride, joy, and satisfaction?

Themes emerged:

Programs that went well were accompanied by clients who were all in and ready to co-create the results. I was most inspired and, in the flow, when I got to help clients solve messy people situations, especially when it involved empowering leaders with the confidence and renewed energy to lead. The most cherished relationship moments were with people with whom I could be honest and vulnerable. My most fruitful marketing efforts were the most authentic ones where I stayed true to my brand. (Turns out people resonate with having real conversations and thrive in a space of being heard and seen).

Lessons learned were loudest from mistakes made. (I’m still learning that sometimes, less is more in the context of workshops!).

I saw how my word of the year, “agency”, helped me move from areas of resistance to moments of clarity and breakthroughs – and action.

And then I got stuck. All the strategy tools, templates, and methodologies I had at my fingertips were not bringing me any clarity to what was needed next. So, I took the dogs to the beach – again.

I found a magical mossy forest that landed onto miles of sunny, sandy, surf-pounded beach. This is exactly how I wanted to spend my time! This moment was what I needed to nurture my soul.

The Italians have a name for this relaxed state, “Dolce far niente” meaning “the sweetness of doing nothing”. There’s a renewal in such idleness, if we allow ourselves to relax into that space. (It also helped that I spoke to my good friend Victor and he aided me in seeing that perhaps I didn’t need to get it ALL done on this retreat, that I could allow myself to create a strategic framework, one that I could continue to move forward post-retreat).

It can be so easy to get sucked into the machine of work – the to do lists, deadlines, meetings, coordinating, priority and performance managing - the busy-ness and stress of it all.

Going full throttle for an extended duration doesn’t necessarily produce the best outcomes, but it can produce people who are frazzled, distracted, and overwhelmed. We get caught in the mental trappings of “I just need to get x done and then I can have more capacity,” or “When I get life in order, then I can start enjoying it”.

This kind of pursuit of efficiency and perfectionism becomes a postponement of living.

Oliver Burkeman, in his book, “Four Thousand Weeks, Time Management for Mortals” captures a philosophical and counter-intuitive take on time, productivity, and living well. He notes that “our troubled relationship with time arises largely from the same effort to avoid the painful constraints of reality.” He also writes, “What you pay attention to will define, for you, what reality is”.

Revisit our relationship to time.

What if we gave ourselves permission to relax? Slow down. Take a beat. Step off the hamster wheel. When we bring mindfulness to what we do, our sense of time expands. We can connect to more presence by tapping into our senses (like pausing to listen to my dog Bebo blissfully snoring on the couch as I write this, or feeling the wind on your face, smelling the aroma of your morning coffee, or savoring the taste of a favorite meal). Our senses anchor us in the present moment, right here, right now.

Invest our time in what matters.

My guess is top of that list will be relationships. Not another “to do”, but a way “to be”. Next conversation you have, turn off your phone and give that person your undivided attention. See what experience of reality you create together as a result!

Like the waves of the sea, our energy ebbs and flows. I can think of no better way to honor those rhythms than to fully inhabit the life we have with the gift of presence.

I did not return from my retreat with a perfectly mapped out 2026 game plan. I did, however, return with more presence and perspective.

May you have the capacity to create space to slow down this season and reconnect with the experiences that nurture you. Sending peace and goodwill – a reminder that not everything needs optimizing, fixing, or justifying.

///

Seeking to elevate your impact in 2025?

In preparation for the new year, you may have reflected on how you want to advance your organization, your team, or your own leadership effectiveness. The beginning of a new year is a natural time for fresh starts – and behavioral science research shows that the “fresh start effect” can bring momentum to our efforts.

This is the time of year we usually define goals, shape priorities, connect accountabilities to initiatives, and generally finalize game plans. Clarity of direction is a powerful element in a leader’s repertoire. How else can people follow you if they don’t understand where you are going? Articulating goals puts your expectations in motion. Yet, inspiring sustained effort beyond the new year launch will take more than a well-thought-out strategy.

Unlock your ability to communicate, and you unlock your potential to lead.

Whatever your hopes for 2025, your capacity to achieve them might lie in your ability to clearly and compellingly communicate.

Communication is more than directing your team on the organization’s direction and goals. It’s more than offering valuable feedback, or keeping people informed, or even listening to colleagues’ new ideas (although all of those are essential). Communicating is more than getting our message across, it’s about making a connection. Communications guru Vinh Giang says, “If you want to influence people, it is not just our words, it is in the generosity of energy we give people.”

We all have an “emotional wake” that ripples out from us. Leaders especially so, as they set the tone for the cultural norms. That doesn’t translate into being overly responsible for others, rather owning how we show up and the impact we can have. Likely, you are not fully aware of the impact you have on others. In fact, sometimes we unintentionally create the very opposite desired effect!

Cue mindful leadership.

Each new year I begin with a theme to set my intentions. This year’s word: agency. It’s the capacity to influence my own thoughts and behavior; exercising autonomy in the choices I make, the things I do, and how I go about life. It’s personal accountability in action. I’ve discovered it is easier to embrace a sense of agency when I practice mindfulness. Only then do I have the level of consciousness to be aware of my patterns and direct my energies to align with what I want to experience.

Mindful leadership has the potential to reduce workplace stress, find new ways to solve problems, improve collaboration, promote adaptability to change, and increase creative contribution.

Mindful leaders bring an awareness to their surroundings, a keen observation of dynamics; they notice moods and shifts in energy, and they can sense disengagement in the moment. They pick up on nuances of body language and find entry points to engage even the most reserved. They are skilled in the art of being present and paying attention.

Couple all that with caring, and you have a leader who knows how to connect and inspire! Now what you have to say has more importance because you have invested in creating an honest and open space of belonging.

But first, you will want to hone those observation skills to develop self-awareness. You will have more credibility if you are able to honestly assess your own strengths, weaknesses, and emotional triggers. Notice the emotions that arise when you are in a difficult conversation with a colleague. Do you shut down? Raise your voice? Make them wrong? Become more authoritarian? Push your opinion as the only right one? A mindful leader takes a moment to breathe, assess the situation, and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally.

If you become known as a leader who makes thoughtful, balanced decisions aligned with core values and long-term goals, you will bring a steadiness and trustworthiness to your organization. Mindfulness brings clarity, focus, and calmness.

New leaders - notice when you are spending too much time and energy proving yourself, advocating stubbornly for your position or defaulting to the power of your position rather than the strength of the relationship. Allow space in a conversation for the dialogue to be organic; a flow that relinquishes control of the outcome. You can still be passionate about the issues, while being clued into what is happening for others. Bringing an empathetic ear might bring the shift needed to reduce friction and find common ground. We all want and deserve to be seen and heard.

Your leadership responsibility is helping those around you achieve their highest potential. If you master the skills of noticing and being curious about the people in your sphere of influence, you will send a message that they matter. In doing so, you are inviting them to bring their full and best selves to the work at hand.

This level of engagement fosters the kind of meaningful conversations that meet people where they are, discovering their unique value and motivations. Your capacity to elevate your impact begins with the simple act of paying attention with the intent to connect and cultivate. The results will follow. May 2025 be a mindfully led, potential-unlocked, and agency-infused year!