Discernment. The Quiet Edge of Leadership Resilience?

“Editor. Judge. Critic.”

These are not professions. They are habits of mind. And before every improv class, our instructor names them plainly and asks us to leave them outside the room. Not because standards do not matter, but because those inner roles, left unchecked, suffocate creativity, authenticity, growth, connection, and engagement.

The lesson travels easily from the improv studio to the workplace.

If you want to build a culture that feels resilient, human, and engaged, one where people belong and contribute meaningfully, consider replacing the editor, the judge, and the critic with something far more useful: discernment.

The Editor: Voice Held Hostage

Have you ever been in a meeting where you experienced a thought rise, saw a pause you could step into, and then talked yourself out of speaking? By the time you decided it was “ready,” the moment had passed.

That is the editor at work.

Sometimes self-editing is wise. Timing matters. Context matters. A good editor sharpens ideas for clarity and impact. But a protective editor, driven by fear, politics, or self-doubt, can become a jailer. Ideas are edited not for quality, but for perceived safety. Your voice is held hostage to the fear of being wrong, disliked, or exposed.

In resilient workplaces, leaders help people distinguish between discernment and self-silencing. Discernment asks, “Is this the right time and frame to offer this?” Fear asks, “What will happen to me if I do?”

Resilient leadership does not require unfiltered expression. It requires enough psychological safety that people can speak while ideas are still forming. Often, the less polished an idea is, the less attached we are to it. And that makes real dialogue possible.

The Judge: Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts

If the editor mutes us publicly, the judge works privately.

We are often far harsher judges of ourselves than anyone else could ever be. Daily, sometimes hourly, small judgments accumulate: not good enough, not smart enough, impostor, who do you think you are?

Each one feels minor. Together, they erode confidence by a thousand paper cuts.

These judgments masquerade as protection. They tell us they are keeping us safe, out of danger. In reality, they keep us small and stagnant. They narrow our willingness to contribute, collaborate, and stretch. They pull us into fear-based, rather than strength-based, leadership.

Workplace resilience depends on replacing self-judgment with self-compassion. This is not about lowering standards. It is about refusing to let shame drive performance.

A leader who models self-compassion gives others permission to learn out loud, recover quickly, and stay engaged even when things are imperfect. That is how teams stay standing when pressure hits.

The Critic: Certainty as Armor

The critic looks outward. It scans for what is wrong in others. It builds a quiet list of deficiencies, mistakes, and character flaws. Sometimes it does this loudly. Sometimes silently.

The critic is fueled by comparison and certainty. If I can name what is wrong with you, I can feel temporarily better than. But that sense of superiority is brittle. It costs curiosity, trust, and collaboration.

Notice when critical thoughts arise. What is fueling them? What do you gain from them? And just as importantly, what do they cost you?

Being discerning is not the same as being critical. Organizations need critical thinkers. We need people who can assess risk, challenge assumptions, separate fact from fiction, and pressure test ideas.

The difference is posture.

The critic seeks to diminish. Discernment seeks to understand.

Discernment: The Resilient Alternative

Discernment is the ability to judge well and objectively. It is a learned form of emotional intelligence. Discernment separates what is important from what is noisy, what is true from what is distorted, what is good from what is merely familiar.

It requires slowing down. Reflecting. Considering multiple perspectives before reacting.

A discerning leader knows when to speak and when to listen. When to push and when to pause. When to challenge and when to invite. Discernment brings calm and clarity whereas fear creates reactivity, drama, and conflict.

In practical terms, discernment builds:

• Stronger self-trust,

• More trusted decision making,

• Awareness of the nuances,

• Fewer assumptions,

• More honest and disciplined dialogue, and

• Leadership objectivity and credibility.

In an era of information overload, polarized opinions, and constant urgency, discernment is not a soft skill. It is a resilience skill.

The K Challenge

If you want to practice this shift, start here:

Show up and speak up. Bring your ideas, questions, concerns, and observations to the table. Silence is often interpreted as support. Do not hold your ideas prisoner.

Replace self-judgment with self-compassion. Talk to yourself like a leader worth following.

Replace criticism with curiosity. Ask before you assess. Seek to understand before you decide.

Learn to separate the wheat from the chaff. Elevate quality ideas. Filter out what is false. Tune out noise without tuning out people. Stay grounded in disciplined, truth-based conversation.

As a leader, your emotional filter matters. Your team will mirror how you edit, judge, and critique, or how you discern.

Leave the editor, the judge, and the critic outside the room.

Bring discernment with you instead.

It is how resilient cultures are built.

Mastering Chaos: Building Agency Through Emotional Resiliency

Have you ever experienced intense emotions at work that interfere with your capacity to focus; that create distance between you and a colleague; or generally limit your ability to do your best? Anger, frustration, hurt, anxiety, and embarrassment are just a few examples of tough emotions that challenge our potential to do great work.

Common reactions to tough emotions are to ignore, bury, pretend they don’t matter, avoid the situation or person, let it go (but not really), ruminate, make others wrong, build one’s case (and resentment), and speak poorly of others. Spoiler alert: these tactics backfire. The intense feelings get internalized and amplified, resulting in the burden of carrying an even bigger emotional load.

Emotional intelligence, the ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions, and drives, as well as their effect on others, can make or break your job satisfaction, the possibility for meaningful, healthy relationships, and even your organization’s culture.

The beauty of delving into the complexity of emotions is that it can unearth incredible, epiphany-inducing insights. The mere act of sitting with and reflecting on the precise emotion you are experiencing can bring a deep awareness of what matters to you. By making the unconscious, conscious, we can navigate the difficult emotion with more clarity and intentionality.

Dr. Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, invites us to “go beyond the umbrella term to identify exactly what we are feeling.” For example, if we are feeling “hurt”, go deeper to understand why. Do you feel betrayed? Victimized? Jealous? Unappreciated? By understanding the emotion more accurately, we can begin to address it more effectively.

 Common Workplace Flare Ups

The workplace is a petri dish of emotional energy. People get triggered. Triggers are specific stimuli that lead to an intense emotional or psychological response. (Note: for those who have experienced trauma, the intensity will be more severe). There are several predictable ways in which an uncomfortable emotion becomes embedded in drama and dysfunction. Here are three common areas:

1.     Taking things personally,

2.     Making assumptions, and

3.     Making comparisons that results in questioning one’s value.

When negative emotions are stirred up, we often take things personally and get defensive. We attribute bad intent to the people connected to the experience. In the assumption of bad intent, we fabricate a story that feels like the truth. Misinterpretations lead to elevated tensions and decreased trust.

What might have been a simple communication breakdown, now is an unshakeable belief system – one that we defend wholeheartedly. We feel justified in our anger, we feel righteous in our position, and we stubbornly adhere to our opinions. We adorn our armor to protect where we feel most vulnerable.

 Example: “She made me anxious when she asked me that question in front of everyone. That was unfair of her to put me on the spot like that. She’s trying to discredit me. The other director isn’t meeting his goals either.”

What if, in the example above, the person that asked the question respects your opinion and believes you have something to offer to the discussion. Maybe they want to give you an opportunity to shine so you may be recognized for your thought leadership. The point being the only observable fact was the person was asked a question in a group environment. The rest is chaos conjured up.

Comparing ourselves to others. Brene Brown speaks of it as “trying to simultaneously fit in and stand out”. Her research indicates that comparisons are associated with fear, anger, shame, and sadness. In the workplace, at best it could fuel healthy competitiveness, but it often causes silos, power struggles, knowledge hoarding, and gossiping.

 Own Your Emotions.

When we speak of someone making us feel a certain way, we are giving our power away. Instead, the invitation is to own the emotion you are experiencing, understand what triggered it, interrogate the story you are telling yourself about it, and notice what is “underneath” all the noise. In the example above, you might acknowledge that you abhor public speaking, or perhaps you feel self-conscious about taking the spotlight because you value team recognition over individualism; or you prefer time to process before speaking, or maybe you feel insecure about your knowledge on the topic and fear making a mistake. The point is to be rigorously honest with yourself about what is transpiring for you.

Know our value, know our power. Emotional intelligence also means we have an honest assessment of our strengths and weaknesses. When we know where and how we excel, we can contribute in ways that empower us and shine the light for others.

Self-Advocacy.

We need to be our own advocates. That might include speaking up for yourself – articulating your wants, needs, or preferences. It might mean saying no and having clear boundaries. Self-advocacy can also be an invitation to actively pursue what you want to experience. It is an expression of agency.

Agency is the sense of control you feel in your life, your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, the capacity to exercise autonomy in decision-making and in actions. It means you have a choice in how you respond to the emotions that trigger you. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is the power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl

The next time you feel a challenging emotion at work, lean in and be curious. How do you want to show up? The choice is yours.

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