The Gift of Presence
/I recently returned from my annual, self-facilitated business retreat. This year’s venue was the Oregon coast – and it delivered unexpectedly in sunshine, new connections, and breakthroughs in thinking.
I found myself obsessed with the concept of time – how I had spent it, how I want to spend it, how much of it I have left, and how I even perceive it (I can wax philosophical when I’m at the beach with a bottle of wine!). I know I am not alone in this quest for optimizing time – it’s a frequently named objective in my client coaching work.
I was drawn to the beach several times a day for dog walking breaks. At first, I worried that it didn’t afford me the time and focus to do the strategic work for which I came to do. Later, I realized it gave me just what I needed, once I got out of my own way!
At the close of every year, I conduct an audit to reflect on the client programs delivered, the relationships built, the marketing and business development efforts put forth and their financial impacts, the operational effectiveness of my systems, and the professional growth experienced – all in the backdrop of the current social, political, and business climate.
I ask myself questions such as:
What went well?
What was hard? Where did I struggle?
What did I discover and learn?
What brought me pride, joy, and satisfaction?
Themes emerged:
Programs that went well were accompanied by clients who were all in and ready to co-create the results. I was most inspired and, in the flow, when I got to help clients solve messy people situations, especially when it involved empowering leaders with the confidence and renewed energy to lead. The most cherished relationship moments were with people with whom I could be honest and vulnerable. My most fruitful marketing efforts were the most authentic ones where I stayed true to my brand. (Turns out people resonate with having real conversations and thrive in a space of being heard and seen).
Lessons learned were loudest from mistakes made. (I’m still learning that sometimes, less is more in the context of workshops!).
I saw how my word of the year, “agency”, helped me move from areas of resistance to moments of clarity and breakthroughs – and action.
And then I got stuck. All the strategy tools, templates, and methodologies I had at my fingertips were not bringing me any clarity to what was needed next. So, I took the dogs to the beach – again.
I found a magical mossy forest that landed onto miles of sunny, sandy, surf-pounded beach. This is exactly how I wanted to spend my time! This moment was what I needed to nurture my soul.
The Italians have a name for this relaxed state, “Dolce far niente” meaning “the sweetness of doing nothing”. There’s a renewal in such idleness, if we allow ourselves to relax into that space. (It also helped that I spoke to my good friend Victor and he aided me in seeing that perhaps I didn’t need to get it ALL done on this retreat, that I could allow myself to create a strategic framework, one that I could continue to move forward post-retreat).
It can be so easy to get sucked into the machine of work – the to do lists, deadlines, meetings, coordinating, priority and performance managing - the busy-ness and stress of it all.
Going full throttle for an extended duration doesn’t necessarily produce the best outcomes, but it can produce people who are frazzled, distracted, and overwhelmed. We get caught in the mental trappings of “I just need to get x done and then I can have more capacity,” or “When I get life in order, then I can start enjoying it”.
This kind of pursuit of efficiency and perfectionism becomes a postponement of living.
Oliver Burkeman, in his book, “Four Thousand Weeks, Time Management for Mortals” captures a philosophical and counter-intuitive take on time, productivity, and living well. He notes that “our troubled relationship with time arises largely from the same effort to avoid the painful constraints of reality.” He also writes, “What you pay attention to will define, for you, what reality is”.
Revisit our relationship to time.
What if we gave ourselves permission to relax? Slow down. Take a beat. Step off the hamster wheel. When we bring mindfulness to what we do, our sense of time expands. We can connect to more presence by tapping into our senses (like pausing to listen to my dog Bebo blissfully snoring on the couch as I write this, or feeling the wind on your face, smelling the aroma of your morning coffee, or savoring the taste of a favorite meal). Our senses anchor us in the present moment, right here, right now.
Invest our time in what matters.
My guess is top of that list will be relationships. Not another “to do”, but a way “to be”. Next conversation you have, turn off your phone and give that person your undivided attention. See what experience of reality you create together as a result!
Like the waves of the sea, our energy ebbs and flows. I can think of no better way to honor those rhythms than to fully inhabit the life we have with the gift of presence.
I did not return from my retreat with a perfectly mapped out 2026 game plan. I did, however, return with more presence and perspective.
May you have the capacity to create space to slow down this season and reconnect with the experiences that nurture you. Sending peace and goodwill – a reminder that not everything needs optimizing, fixing, or justifying.
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