Develop Leadership Resiliency - for you, your team, and your organization's well-being

This week I facilitated a client’s offsite retreat. Six months ago, they restructured their business - increasing the size of the leadership team and reexamining roles and responsibilities. All very common organizational shifts during cycles of growth and change.

I conducted an exercise I called, “Taking the Pulse”, to see what was working, what was not (yet) working, and what they were learning from the first half of the year. They spoke of the collective energy and passion, the evolving ability to see the firm’s vision, the openness to having hard conversations, and that as a leadership team they hadn’t quite found their rhythm. One participant captured it well in saying, “Building trust and respect amongst your peers takes time.”

Trust and respect are foundational to high-performing teams. When we invest in building mutual trust and respect in our relationships - our work and our organizational health - is more robust. The presence of trust and respect in a work relationship makes for what my client calls, “worthy collaborators.” And the experience is transformational (and fun!). Yet we often gloss over how to effectively build these relationship skills to competently and confidently lead! Leadership is not about having all the answers, or even fixing all the problems, rather, it is about creating a culture of shared resiliency. 

Defining Resiliency

My working definition of resiliency is the capacity to prepare for, adapt to, and recover from adversity, change, challenge, and stress. Leading is hard. Resilient leadership is a belief system and learned skill set designed to help leaders navigate the constant uncertainty they face, together.

As I was formulating the program for the retreat, I realized I wanted the team to feel safe to speak up, contribute, and engage in respectful candor. I wanted each leader to be seen and heard for who they are and what they bring. I wanted them to be open – actively listening to each other with curiosity, not judgment or resistance. I wanted them to leave the retreat owning their roles.

I also wanted to hold space for the team to connect with each other and learn together. This of course requires a degree of vulnerability, and I was not sure what their appetite was for that at this stage of their journey. Then it struck me, what I really wanted was to empower the members of the leadership team with a key resiliency trait – a growth mindset!

“People with a growth mindset see challenges as opportunities for growth and discovery; whereas those with a fixed mindset see them as impossible obstacles and tend to confine themselves to the boundaries of their comfort zones”, Ashley Pena, LCSW, Executive Director, Mission Connection

Psychologist Carol Dweck developed the concept of the growth mindset after decades of research, and popularized it in her 2006 non-academic book, “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success”. Since then, Dweck’s protégé, social psychologist Marcy C. Murphy, has shown that mindset transcends individuals. Her research reveals that, “organizations and teams more geared towards growth inspire deeper learning, spark collaboration, spur innovation, and build trust necessary for risking-taking and inclusion.”

I am currently reading Murphy’s book, “Cultures of Growth: How the New Science of Mindset Can Transform Individuals, Teams, and Organizations” as part of a client book club. It was originally recommended by organizational psychologist, Adam Grant, who suggests the book as a “…useful road map to building a learning organization and unlocking the potential in people.”

What does it mean to have a growth mindset?

A growth mindset reflects the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication, hard work, and learning.

Key characteristics include:

1.     Embracing Challenges: Seeing challenges as opportunities to grow rather than obstacles that thwart progress.

2.     Persistence. In the face of setbacks, perseverance prevails.

3.     Effort. Valuing the work as a path to mastery.

4.     Experiencing mistakes as discoveries, portals for learning.

5.     Welcoming feedback as a mechanism for continuous improvement.

6.     Finding inspiration, not envy, from others’ successes.

7.     Adaptability. Being open to new ideas and willing to adjust approaches.

8.     Curiosity. A desire to grow that is so strong, one values the learning over being right.  (Or as one of my clients is fond of saying, “I like being right so much that when I am wrong, I just change my mind!”)

An essential complement to the growth mindset, is the capacity for self-compassion. By alleviating harsh self-criticism, self-compassion reduces the fear of failure, making it more inviting to embrace the risks necessary for growth. Self-compassion fuels motivation and enthusiasm, rather than feeding self-doubt and negativity. 

Embracing challenges, fully applying our best effort, and expanding our potential does more than deliver results. I would contend that living from a place of curiosity and a desire for discovery brings a sense of wonder and expansiveness to one’s work. It offers us deep satisfaction and self-efficacy. Practically, it also helps us have a broader perspective of what is and what is not significant in the grand scheme of things (which can help mitigate stress). A bonus: approaching life this way tends to reduce our feelings of regret!

Experiencing our work with a growth mindset is a way for leaders, teams, and organizations to more sustainably achieve holistic success. It sets the tone for learning, growing, and achieving together. Resilient leadership is an invitation to lead an authentic, thriving culture, while fortifying one’s own energy for the long game.

As you travel on this path, remember the words of Winston Churchill, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

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Validate to Illuminate

Our work is more enjoyable when the relationships with our colleagues are healthy. With higher levels of respect and trust, we experience more robust collaborations, more creative problem solving, and more nimble decision-making. We also experience more camaraderie, satisfaction, and, of course, better results.

When our relationships are strained our efforts are hampered. Miscommunication, decreased accountability, increased politics, silos, and one-upmanship begin to shape the cultural norms, seeping into the work experience and diminishing team capacity and leadership credibility.

At the crux of good business is good relationships. Nurturing relationships in an honest and caring way builds a kind of resiliency that will weather the inevitable storms brought on by differing perspectives, organizational growth, and persistent change.

How do we become better at relationships?

It is not a technical skill. It’s not a checklist or a mastered technique (although knowledge, skills, and tools can be helpful). It is a human, social competency. It is a chosen temperament to invest in getting to know a person and allowing others to truly get to know you.

Have you ever had someone really understand your perspective? Get where you were coming from? Share a connected kindred spirit vibe? It is a satisfying experience to be seen and heard. It is the cornerstone of connection.

New York Times columnist, David Brooks guides us in the “skilled art of seeing others and making them feel seen, known, and understood,” in his new book, “How to Know a Person”.

He explains that building a relationship involves “being curious about other people; disagreeing without poisoning relationships; revealing vulnerability at an appropriate pace; being a good listener; knowing how to ask for and offer forgiveness; and knowing how to see things from another’s point of view.”

Do you illuminate or diminish?

How we show up matters. We all leave an “emotional wake” in our exchange with others. Do people feel inspired by your presence or stifled? Hungry to grow or hesitant to contribute?

Brooks speaks of “illuminators” and “diminishers”, defined as:

• Illuminators are genuinely curious about others – their stories, experiences, perspectives, and beliefs. They shine a bright light of caring and warmth that make people “feel bigger, deeper, respected, and lit up,” says Brooks.

• Diminishers are so focused on themselves that others feel insignificant in their presence. They see people as tools; tending to stereotype and label; determining the totality of who a person is by one trait they witnessed. 

Validate to Illuminate

In addition to giving your full attention, asking good questions, deeply listening, and generally being a good conversationalist, if you want to level up your relationships, you can learn the empathetic art of validating.

Validating is recognizing and affirming a person and their feelings and opinions as valid or worthy. Invalidating is when we deny, reject, or dismiss someone’s feelings, thereby sending the message that their subjective emotional experience is somehow inaccurate, insignificant or unacceptable.

 Validating is NOT agreeing with someone. It is not placating, coddling, or manipulating. It is slowing down the conversation enough to hold space for another’s reality, without judgment.

 Failure to Validate

Have you ever been in a conversation that escalates into friction and frustration? Often in those moments we may feel like the other person is not hearing us, and likely that feeling is mutual. When we fail to validate another’s experience, we miss the opportunity to connect and learn. We also risk missing the magical moment that could have created a breakthrough.

When difficult feelings are expressed, acknowledged, and validated by a trusted listener, those feelings will diminish. If they are ignored, the pain – and sense of separation and isolation - will gain strength.

Common missteps:

• We try to make someone feel better. When we hear someone struggling, we attempt to be their cheerleader to help them gain perspective or see a silver lining. While that can be beneficial at the right time, if we have failed to validate, it tends to shut people down as they feel dismissed. Examples: “well, it could have been worse”, or “at least it is not x”, or “look on the bright side…”.

• We try to fix it by giving unsolicited advice. “You should x”, or “Have you thought about doing x”.

• We make it about us. To be relatable, we may slip into our own story, e.g. “I have had that happen to me. Let me tell you about the time when…”.

In the moments where we are not feeling validated, it can be difficult to extend it to others. Withholding validation until the other acknowledges us sets the dynamic up for misalignment and if repeated regularly, a broken relationship.

How can you validate?

It doesn’t have to be lengthy or complicated. It can be simply acknowledging another’s emotional state. “That sounds challenging”, or “That must be frustrating”, are often good starters. If you are not able to read their emotional state, you can ask, “How are you feeling about x?”. Connecting with empathy and compassion creates a new energy in the conversation. After you have validated, you might ask how you can further assist. Do they want a possibility thinking partner? An accountability partner? Or, is being a nonjudgmental sounding board sufficient?

Relationship building can be vulnerable and unpredictable. But, if you want to elevate a relationship and invest in a healthy work environment, consider practicing the art of validation. It is an act of honoring another person’s experience, feelings, or point of view – while creating space for deeper understanding and alignment.  

Collaboration in Action: Improv @ The City of Dallas

Collaboration is on a fast track at the City of Dallas. City Manager, Ron Foggin, called me to explore how we could deliver a fresh take on customer service - one of the City's core values. He wanted to approach it from both an internal perspective (among the City's various departments - community development, emergency medical services, fire, police, parks & recreation, finance, public works, and legal); as well as how to best serve the multitude of external customers (citizens). We created, "Empowered Service: How to Deliver Excellence in Customer Service with Emotional Intelligence + Collaboration".

City employees readily embraced the series of interactive exercises aimed at raising their emotional awareness and their ability to more fluidly work together. 

We engaged in some awkward and valuable listening exercises; we played at improvisation - not as comics but as team members understanding the value of "Yes, And" as a way to spark creativity and not shut down ideas; we explored how challenging it is to not use "I" in a conversation; the power of keeping agreements; and the energy of emotions in a game called, "Emotional Outbursts".  

I was impressed with how this team accepted the challenge and started identifying areas in their work (and in their personal lives) they can integrate emotional intelligence and collaboration. The knowledge and tools the team practiced are all critical building blocks for solid relationships.   

Create a Healthy Sense of Urgency

Organizational change guru John Kotter wrote an entire book on the importance of creating "A Sense of Urgency", noting the rate of change is rapidly going up (and this was written seven years ago!). Any significant change requires a sense of urgency to build traction-gaining momentum. 

Kotter describes having a sense of urgency as a way of thinking, feeling and behaving based on the premise that the world holds enormous opportunities and hazards that we must deal with today. He speaks to a "gut level determination" to get up in the morning and do what's right to move things forward.  It requires being alert; paying attention; courageously embracing the unknown; a personal sense of accountability; and the belief in one's ability to affect change. It also requires clarity and commitment. A sense of urgency can show up in something as straightforward as conducting meetings that actually accomplish something!

 Beware the "False sense of urgency" 

Organizations that exist at a frenetic pace may feel like they have a sense of urgency; but in reality they suffer from a lot of unfocused activity that requires an enormous amount of energy and is hampered by anxiety and stress. A true, healthy sense of urgency generates an on-purpose environment; one that can handle the plethora of opportunities and hazards. It fosters efficiencies; focusing on the right things; getting rid of the unnecessary and channeling resources.

Do you have an urgency problem? How can you ignite your team to embrace a sense of urgency that moves the right things forward?

Begin with clear priorities and aligned goals, build in accountability for results and give people permission - and the expectation - to "move now" to make things happen. This kind of on-fire intentionality will be immensely more rewarding and even fun. Your organization will be more resilient; and your team, more empowered. 

Conflict on the Rise (That is, the desire to learn how to navigate it!)

Since rolling out, "Where Conflict & Safety Intersect", at SafeBuild's 2014's final quarterly meeting, the topic has been in demand! 

Participants Gain Insights on How Healthy Conflict Can Positively Impact Safety Culture. 

Business owners, safety professionals, superintendents and project managers came together to explore how healthy attitudes and effective communication skills can make their safety culture more robust.

Communication has transitioned from being considered a "soft skill" to a skill that is seen as imperative to creating a proactive safety mindset - as well as creating efficiencies, high performance and the building of strong relationships. Participants explored the healthy and unhealthy attitudes and beliefs we hold about conflict and examined more effective, skill-based communication approaches to resolving issues and enriching relationships.

I believe people are hungry for the skills to navigate difficult conversations and enrich relationships, and the growing interest in this topic also tells me that people are ready to have the conversation! It's an honor to work with professionals ready to raise their game! 

Thanks Karen Blythe of SafeBuild, Roger Lenneberg of Jordan Ramis, Scott Jacoby of Schnitzer Steel and all the participants who have actively been engaged in growing their awareness and skills about healthy, constructive conflict. 

Cultivate Your Culture - One Conversation At A Time

“Company culture is a work of art where each person leaves their mark on the community canvas to make something beautiful that belongs to everyone. What I think people want is a place where their work matters. A place where they get to make decisions, build, invent, innovate, all with an amazing team at their side. People want to leave at the end of the day feeling good about what they do. Even when they make mistakes.”  -- Jaime Bancroft-Gennaro, Managing Director, Neologic PDX

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When I work with companies in shaping their culture, one of the first places we look is how effective and authentic are the conversations between colleagues in various departments, between the office and field and between leadership and their teams. Regular, honest, respectful and direct dialogue fuels trust - which in turns feeds performance; initiative, accountability - even creativity.

If your organization is not where it wants to be, examine the culture of your communications:

• How do you interact?
• How do you speak to each other?
• How do you speak about each other?
• How are decisions made and communicated?
• How do you run your meetings?
• How aligned and informed are your team members?
• How clear are expectations?
• How do you recognize contributions?
• How do you give constructive feedback?

Improving in this one core competency - communications - can help craft the kind of culture the drives performance. It can also have people leaving at the end of their day feeling a sense of satisfaction about their role in the company's success.

Keep the conversation alive. And keep it real.  Cultivate your culture - one conversation at a time.

Where Conflict & Safety Intersect

SafeBuild Alliance Quarterly Meeting

As a recent member of SafeBuild Alliance, I had the opportunity to co-present with attorney Roger Lenneberg (Jordan Ramis) on how conflict can impact safety. There are usually two camps on conflict: (1) Avoid it and (2) Aggressively attack it. Roger and I believe there is another way. Conflict is not something to be avoided nor aggressively addressed, but embraced early with healthy attitudes and effective communication skills.  Good conflict addresses and resolves the issue while enriching the relationship.

Conflict gets exasperated when we take things personally, make assumptions, let it go unattended or react defensively. One of the more healthful (and effective) ways to address it is to seek to truly understand the other person's point of view (to the point that you could actually convincingly articulate their position). Additionally:

• Recognize that reasonable minds can differ.
• Check your assumptions.
• Address an issue early before has a chance to fester.
• Be clear about what you want, need and expect.
• Be accountable for your role.
• Assume good intent.
• Find common ground.
• Cultivate an environment that respects and encourages healthful dialogue

When we fail to have regular, robust and candid conversations, we put our relationships at risk (eroding trust, respect and patience for each other). When the relationships deteriorate we tend to be more distracted and less attentive to our colleagues' well-being. These subtle and not-so-subtle ailments can negatively impact your safety culture.

For the sake of your relationships, and your health, seek to embrace the kind of conversations that get to the heart of the matter and build your team!    Click here for full article.

Former CEO of Xerox shares what it takes to navigate challenging times

Found this article of interest – interview with Patricia Nazemetz is former CEO of Xerox, from The SheSuite.  

I share it with you for insights into your own leadership styles and effectiveness. I would be curious to hear your impressions.

http://www.i4cp.com/interviews/patricia-nazemetz-on-the-courage-to-lead?utm_source=all&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Email

 My takeaways:

• Biggest challenge today: resolving the pressure of profit optimization. Short / long term approach; defining “Growth” in an overall business value proposition, not just profit
• To capture employees hearts – engage them in open, honest and constant communications. Transparency, honesty and sincerity are key.
• People want to be a part of something bigger than themselves. Invite them in.
• Strongest qualities in a leader: courage | integrity | intelligence | ability to really listen | conviction | commitment
• Ask, Listen, Think, Thank and Act!
• Leadership Development – Find those teaching moments; build your and your team’s self awareness

 Lead on!