Have We Lost the Art of Deeply Listening?
/“We no longer invest time and energy in the very fiber that connects us: listening,” says journalist and Deep Listening author Emily Kasriel.
Instead, we engage in autopilot listening that is transactional at best and, at worst, undermines our ability to work well together in meaningful and enriching ways. And yet, effective collaboration requires both the desire and the ability to listen skillfully!
With the speed at which we move and the volume of demands on our radar, skilled listening gets sidelined. We skim, scroll, multitask, and cut to the chase. Rare are the moments when we give our full presence to the person with whom we are in conversation.
When conversations remain at the surface level, we miss opportunities to deepen our connections and our sense of belonging at work. When we don't feel seen or heard (or fail to see and hear our colleagues), cultures suffer. Silos form, gossip takes root, communication breaks down, and people feel isolated, disrespected, or unappreciated.
Surface conversations lack nourishment. When relationships lack depth, we tend to be less generous in extending trust, sharing information, or giving someone the benefit of the doubt. We're quicker to find fault and slower to put our armor down and let someone see who we really are. In doing so, we miss out on developing the very relationships that sustain our resilience.
Surface conversations also rob good ideas of the room to breathe. Through robust dialogue, ideas can expand into innovative solutions and shared enthusiasm. Without it, we risk reacting to whatever is in front of us rather than uncovering and resolving issues at their root.
But listening takes so much time and energy!
Giving someone our full attention might feel like a luxury in today's attention-deficient world. Slowing down to be present can feel like a Herculean effort when you have dozens of demands competing for your time.
It's especially hard to listen when you:
Disagree.
Feel defensive or take things personally.
Are impatient.
Don't respect the source.
Feel apathetic about the content.
Have a different communication style from the speaker.
I get it. But engaging with someone intentionally and mindfully can empower them to execute confidently and competently in their role. It can make the difference between clarity and confusion, alignment and disconnect, engagement and simply going through the motions.
And a few minutes of intentional listening now may save hours of confusion, rework and headaches later.
How can we elevate our listening?
Listening is perhaps the most underappreciated and underdeveloped communication skill. It is both a mindset and a behavior. When we approach a conversation with care and curiosity, we invite genuine engagement.
Listen to understand, not to defend. Not to find fault. Not to fight. (Although, please, do engage in hearty, respectful dialogue!)
First, listen. Pay attention to the words, the tone, the energy, and the body language. Slow your pace. Bring your full presence to the conversation. Listen for what the person cares about and what's underneath what's being shared. Dig a little deeper with open-ended questions to understand both the message and the person.
People are unlikely to share what's most important without a safe, receptive audience. Small talk might seem insignificant or like a waste of time, until your presence invites someone to say more.
Building rapport creates space for asking for help, illuminating risks, sharing concerns, or admitting a struggle or mistake. When you listen deeply, you'll likely discover what keeps someone up at night and what motivates them to do their best.
With that understanding, you can help remove obstacles, offer assignments that inspire growth, and get ahead of issues rather than constantly firefighting.
How do you know if you've listened well?
People may share more than they expected. You may walk away with a better understanding of who they are and what matters to them. But you don't have to leave it to chance.
As you close a conversation, check for understanding. Play back what you heard. Ask follow-up questions. Resist the urge to jump straight into problem-solving. Stay in discovery mode long enough to make sure you've understood the situation before deciding what to do about it.
The conversation we avoid
Time constraints aren't the only reason we don't make space for deep listening. Sometimes, we're uncomfortable with a conversation we can't control. When we choose to listen, we also choose to let the conversation unfold into uncharted territory.
And when that territory holds the potential for friction, it can feel easier to stay on the surface or avoid the conversation altogether.
But avoiding disagreement can leave relationships superficial and create a petri dish for resentment. Healthy conflict invites us to be honest with one another, understand and address what matters, and strengthen relationships.
Deep listening doesn't mean agreeing, fixing, or having all the answers. It means being willing to understand before deciding what comes next.
In a workplace where people feel heard, they're more likely to raise concerns, share ideas, challenge assumptions, and work through difficult issues together. That's not just good communication. It's the foundation of a resilient organization.
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